It may be the day before christmas. when everything is happy and stuff. but in reality. it just brings back too many bad memories and i dont think that i can even deal with it. it was 3 years ago today that my mom stabbed me when i told her i thought i was gay. she’s not christian by no means. and i dont even think she has a problem with gay people. i think it was just me. i  always got the feeling that she didnt like me. if only she knew what its like to feel the way i felt. i havent lived with or spoken to her since. i miss her. but i dont want HER to be the reason why i die.
so my first blog,huh? i guess i’ll let you(if anyone is even reading this) know that all i can ever think about is dieing.  and i have so many ways to do it. i just dont know which one to do. i mean i’ve tried before. twice,actually. and neither of them worked. i want to go. and just leave this world behind. i have no family. no friends. the thing im worried about is the publicity. i dont want to be on the news. but, im  a teenager. so,it’s obviously going to happen. if anyone out there can give some advice please do.
when i say i want advice i dont mean the stuffy “you have too much too live for” i want advice on how to do it. with out problems. Â because it’s going to happen either way.
merry christmas, Cloudy odea
3 comments
We are all the same here. We all want to die. It’s innate for us. We will do it eventually. Just not yet. Be selfish. It’s your life. Do what you want to do to be yourself and give a living happiness. Right now, forget about everyone. Including your mum. Do what’s right for you to get out of this frame of mind of wanting to die . Or delaying it. You are a teenager. Life hasn’t even begun for you yet. You don’t know everything ( I thought I did when I was teenager. How wrong I was. I’m 32 now. Yet I still feel naive). All I’m saying is stay on here, seek advice. Don’t do it just yet. Please give yourself to the age of 21 when you are a full adult and responsible for yourself.
We are all the same here. We all want to die. It’s innate for us. We will do it eventually. Just not yet. Be selfish. It’s your life. Do what you want to do to be yourself and give a living happiness. Right now, forget about everyone. Including your mum. Do what’s right for you to get out of this frame of mind of wanting to die . Or delaying it. You are a teenager. Life hasn’t even begun for you yet. You don’t know everything ( I thought I did when I was teenager. How wrong I was. I’m 32 now. Yet I still feel naive). All I’m saying is stay on here, seek advice. Don’t do it just yet. Please give yourself to the age of 21 when you are a full adult and responsible for yourself.
im so sorry about your situation. im gay and my family is christian. my dad is a pastor. i would never tell them im gay because im not even interested in telling them. i’m an atheist as well and basically i can’t relate to them in any way. i hate them all. i hate the course they forced me to take at the university. i especially hate my dad, i’ve always hated him since i was a kid. basically i wish i was never born, at least not in this family. i would love to live life, but far away from them. if i could escape i would do it but i have nowhere to go. if i ever decide to kill myself, i dont want them (or anybody) to find my body. i would just want to disappear. but i’m not ready yet because i still have some things to do. i will always try to find a way to stop myself but when i run out of options i’m just gonna have to do it. i’m sorry for that long story i guess i just wanted to share that maybe i relate to what you’re going through.