Just sitting at home trying to talk myself out of blowing my fuckin’ brains out…again. I came across this website. Seemed like a good idea. I’m tired. Life keeps kicking my ass and I keep getting up. I’m starting to wonder how long I can keep doing this. I’m 37 and it’s been this way for most of my life. I try to do good things. I know I’m not “good” per se, but I’m not evil either and if I can help someone, I usually do. So I keep wondering why people like to fuck with me. I was a ***** when I was a kid but that was a long time ago and the irony is that once I grew up, got bigger, and learned to fight…people started fucking with me even more. Now that I am able to pound the holy shit out of them, I can’t or I’m the one who will go to jail or get in trouble. So, I just keep having to eat shit from people. The only thing different is that now I’m really good at talking shit to someone if they bother me. And I try to use that to make them either take a swing at me, or to call the police. If they take a swing at me, it hasn’t worked so far because I’m pretty good at fighting. I know that there are people who could beat the hell out of me but usually those people mind their own business and it’s not a problem. But weak-ass bullies like to cause trouble and I love to fight with them. I haven’t lost yet. And if they do call the police, it always takes so damn long for them to show up and there’s not much they can do for cussing a person out and making fun of their mother, so that works well in my favor too. The sad part is, I’d really just love to be left alone, but that doesn’t seem to usually happen. When I try to mind my own business, that’s when they come at me the hardest. Anyway…that’s all for now and thanks for reading.
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I guess me and you are kinda in the same boat, at least in regards to the first few sentences. I feel like i just keep getting fucked over no matter what like I could be the nicest person and still end up alone. Sometimes I feel like things will never get better so whats the point in being alive anyways. I get so tired of being hurt of getting the shit end of a stick.
Sometimes, I feel that there is no point. Those are the times we go into survival mode. Trying to simply stay alive. I’ve learned to shut down and slow time down when this happens. I don’t always handle it the best way, but being suicidal is a thing one must handle in their own way…so if I don’t always get it right, then too bad. As far as being a nice and good person and still getting the shit end of the stick, you have to learn to keep shitty people at a distance and spot a good person when you see one. The good ones are few, but they are there and you can always tell the difference by the way they treat others. I only have a couple in my life but I guard them and love them with everything I have.
Thats the thing I’ve met new people and they seem great at first they seem nice to others. Then as time progresses I’m the one being used or my decisions are being judged and I loose a friend. I recently met someone that seems to be a great friend hasn’t ever bailed on me when we have plans. Is generally willing to listen to me if I ever need to vent and I hope that this is one of the good friends. Otherwise I don’t really have any good friends I don’t have much of anything good in my life right now. I’m hurt inside and the anger just takes control and I hate the world I hate people. I see the parts of me that I hate in some people and I hate them. I see people that I can connect to an experience I had and I hate them. I don’t know how to stop it theres something wrong with me theres something I’m doing wrong. I tried being kind and I give people chances and nothing and I tried being the spiteful ***** and its made me feel worse. No matter what I seem to loose. I don’t mean to bring my issues on you I know that you have your own to deal with.
No need to apologize…we’re all here because of issues. I hate many people too, and for good reason. People can be really shitty. You mentioned being kind and being a *****. The truth is that in this world you must become very good at being both. Both have their place because some people do not speak the universal language of kindness. They only understand a ***** and they will only respect and respond to a *****. Therefore, it’s great to be good at both. And if you truly have standards, you may find that you don’t have many great friends at all. Some people seem to, but that may or may not be the case. And besides, it’s not about some people…it’s about you. If you’re lucky enough to have one…real friend, then guard him/her. You may very well find yourself having NO friends. I have been there and it’s a damn lonely place, but having fake friends is much worse. It is cheating yourself. Of course everyone seems great at first, but watch and listen closely because people will ALWAYS give themselves away by what they say and do to others. The longer you pay attention, the better you will get at weeding out the people who are not worth your time. And as much as it sucks, you will get burned from time to time…it’s the price of being a person who can look at themselves in the mirror and obviously, you are one of them.
its hard to be both I mean especially with family and relationships. Those are the people who hurt me the most. I love them despite everything but they hurt me the worst and I feel stuck like how do I let go of people I love, I know that their hurting me and that they are bad for me but I love them. I have been dark and negative for the most part of my life and I’m so tired of it I just want the happiness and the positivity I don’t want to have to work so hard. I have felt pretty shitty the past few days and your the first person I have been able to talk to who has actually made me feel a little better. Thank you for that
Remember…it’s not that you don’t love them. I would never say to stop loving people. I would simply say that it’s okay to love someone and stay the hell away from them, if they are mistreating you in any way. Consider what you said, “I know that their hurting me and that they are bad for me…” If you know that, then you must love yourself enough to not allow yourself to be hurt. I have one rule when it comes to people, and only one rule; you gotta be nice. If you can’t be nice, I can’t hang out with you. It’s just that simple. If you’re having a bad day, I will excuse myself from you and give you space. We can try again tomorrow or another day. If you’re not nice every time or most every time I see you, then we can’t hang out because I know something unpleasant or hurtful will happen and I don’t like those kind of things. If my only rule is that you gotta be nice, then that makes me a very simple and easy person to get along with. If you can’t handle that one rule, then that is not my problem. It works. Try it. I’m glad I could make you feel better.
I didn’t mean that I’d ever stop loving them its just I don’t know how to love them and not be able to be with them. Yeah but I just don’t know how to love myself enough to walk away. Thats a pretty logical rule, but sometimes when I’m having a bad day I want to be with people and do something fun but it always ends badly. Its difficult to be alone on a tough day cuz im alone with my thoughts. I want to die I really do sometimes I’m gonna buy a gun soon hoping that maybe I can just release some stress at a shooting range. I think I will try it although I’m usually the one who misses people and those people are grumpy or get annoyed with me so idk I hate being ignored I like to talk through the issue not have someone just ignore me for days because they are upset. I’d like to learn to be different about that but I guess I should deal with my anger issues first lol.