Right now, and for a good few days I’ve been feeling like the world is full of shit and I don’t want any part in it anymore. I’ve been fighting suicidal thoughts for years, been on antidepressants done cbt, but my anxiety is getting the better of me again and nothing feels like it matters anymore. I used to have drive and feel a real sense of purpose, but now its enough to even get through a day… even an hour or so. I’m having to sit so still just to stop myself from going into automatic self destruct mode.
Why does society need to be so shit? We live in such a consumerist world, people get so distracted by things that just do not matter, it feels like our whole lives are spent chasing some egotistical feeling of grandeur and self-worth that we achieved something or made a difference or earned loads of money but I don’t see the point anymore. I’m not going to change anything, people keep proving that to me – it seems its not possible to break the world from its spell of ignorant ‘bliss’. And who am I to think I should… those people who coast through life doing all the things they think they should without ever stopping to question any of it may well die perfectly happy at a ripe old age. Watch out the metaphors have found their way out – I feel like I’ve been living in the matrix and have finally been unplugged, the rose tinted glasses have been taken off, wall-e has knocked me off my fat arse so I can see the world I live in.
I will just continue to sit here until these feelings pass like I normally do, but I’m worried my life will never go back to being good, if this carries on over the next few weeks I don’t think I can take much more.
3 comments
The transmutation has begun; you have no choice but to fight.
I keep entertaining fantasies of this type of thing rapidly accelerating, until enough people “wake up” for this to reach some sort of critical mass, followed by an avalanche and cascading changes.
And then i have a little quiet laugh to myself, because it seems like just more wishful thinking… like a lingering side effect of being plugged into that machine.
If you care at all about retaining the expected functionality of a normal citizen, i suggest letting it go… for now… and just not thinking about it, until it feels like the right time; or until you can’t resist anymore.
That’s a nice thought… I shall partake of some fantasising too, nice to escape! I am caring less and less each day about retaining expected functionality. But like you say, just got to put it aside for now until the day comes when it all snaps, the job gets lost and everything else crumbles away. Let’s hope that day will be a revolution no my last.
Just saying I feel you man.
Let me know if you find a point to live in this illogical society.
I can’t buy into it either. I broke out of the illusion and then I realize that I have to participate in this mind **** society in the name of survival. We need a REAL REVOULTION but we are going to have to wait till **** hits the fan till that happens.