HE KEEPS TALKING TO ME TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHY I CANT POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT HIM THIS MUCH, WHY I CANT POSSIBLY BE THIS UPSET?! ITS BECAUSE HE TOOK ALL OF MY LOVE, EVERYTHING I HAD, AND I CANT GET IT BACK. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT. ALL I WANT AND CARE ABOUT IS HIM. HE KEEPS TRYING TO TALK, SAYING THINGS THAT ARE MAKING ME FEEL WORSE. THERES NOTHING I CAN DO. HE DOESN’T GET THAT HE COULD HAVE HAD SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT HIM. THATS HIS FEAR. AND HE DOESNT GET IT.
IM ACTUALLY SCARED FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW. IM CANT CATCH MY BREATH. I KEEP DRY HEAVING. I CANT STOP CRYING. I CANT STOP FREAKING OUT. I CANT DO ANY WORK. I HAD PLANS TODAY AND BLEW THEM OFF. I WONT TALK TO ANYONE. IM GOING TO FAIL OUT OF COLLEGE WHEN THIS IS MY LAST SEMESTER. I DONT HATE HIM, I HATE HIS BRAIN. I HATE MY LIFE. WHAT THE FUCK?!
I KNOW I DID THINGS WRONG I KNOW THAT! BUT ARENT THERE THINGS THAT CAN MAKE UP FOR THESE THINGS?! IM NOT SAYING TO ERASE THEM, BUT WHAT KIND OF FUCKING WORLD IS THIS?! I CANT EXPLAIN IT. IM SORRY.
I WILL SPEND EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE BEING SORRY.
OH MY GOSH.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS THERE HAS TO BE A WAY TO HAVE MY INTENTIONS KNOWN! AND IF THERE ISN’T. I CANT FUCKING LIVE LIKE THIS. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. I PHYSICALLY CANT STOP MYSELF FROM HAVING A BREAKDOWN NOW. IM FREAKING OUT . MY ROOMMATE BETTER NOT COME HOME NOW BECAUSE SHE WILL BE SCARED. I CANT STOP FREAKING OUT. AND I DONT WANT TO FREAK HER OUT. SHES A NICE GIRL ANDI DONT WANT HER TO SEE ME LIKE THIS OR HEAR ME. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. GO IN MY CAR AND SCREAM AND CRY? IDK WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? WHERE DO I GO. WHO DO I RUN TO?!
IF I DONT KILL MYSELF ITS NOT GOING TO STOP. ITS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER. NOTHING IS GOING TO GET THROUGH. I CANT.
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3 comments
If you did something wrong to him, then don’t excpect his forgiveness. The world doesn’t need to forgive you if you have done wrong to someone just so you don’t have to live with guilt. You can only fogive yourself and move on.
I’m going to be blunt: Grow up, fix or ditch your toxic relationship, get help, get your path in life started, become happy and live a better life.
Your throwing everything away for nothing.
I advise seeking professional help. You have been on this site and negate the fact that there have been numerous attempts by people, including me to help you. You have completely walled yourself from the outside and logic and I don’t think anyone else can offer you better advice than these professionals.
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Suicide Hotline
Take care. I don’t mean to appear harsh, but sometimes some people need a dose of reality and the truth to help them.
msquared ,
you give it your best shot and if things just don’t click you have to move on, live and learn, you can’t make someone what there not, I’ve had several relationships that didn’t work out it’s quite common, life and relationships are really to 2 things you can count on ending these days. look around you everyone has similar problems one time or another.
I hear what you’re saying. I hear you well. I just spent a year, exactly a year this month, getting over only a friend who blew me off! I laugh now at what I just wrote.
However, this friend was in a very bad place and i gave her a job (she taught yoga in my studio), $3,280 to buy a computer and file bankruptcy, any time she called I went to listen to her rant and ***** and complain about her situation, she had no car and I drove her all over, then one day she emailed and said she didn’t need me anymore…and…see ya round. I said..whaaaaa? It drove me batty, insane, crazy for a year. Non stop dwelling and reliving the whole screwed up friendship.
I gave too much. She began taking me for granted. It wasn’t even a “love” relationship. She was young enough to be my daughter for Christ’s sake.
So, it took me this long to realize I learned some very important lessons.
1. when I give I cannot expect anything in return. Not even that the person will stay a good friend. Expect nothing!!
2. Don’t be so eager to help or such a sucker.
3. Listen to what people tell you because how they treated and were treated by others is exactly how they’re going to treat you..or me. All the things she ranted about, bitched about she was actually telling me how she was going to treat me. Interesting. Listen to what they’re saying and watch very closely their actions.
Anyway..that’s my story and I’m sticking with it. LOL. Good luck. Time heals. Hope you get over him…and you will.