Hi Guys,
I know being on here isn’t good for me. But I just had to write. So you wouldn’t worry. Well maybe you don’t care. Or worry. *shrugs* I guess most of you just pass this post because it seems to be long. I don’t really care. It’s just nice to write my feelings down somewhere. Even if no one reads this. It’s just nice.
So today I woke up late. Felt suicidal. Got a terrible headache and I couldn’t take any pain pills because I don’t trust myself with that kind of stuff. I then had to proceed to go on a 5 hour car trip with a headache. I’m at the skiing place. Tomorrow I’m going skiing. Maybe I’ll feel free then… Hopefully. Maybe it will.
I’ve fallen into another dip of depression and I don’t think I’ll be able to get myself out of this now… So maybe, just maybe, I won’t have to stay in this dip, someone will pull me out. Who knows?
So I’m adopted and I had a foster family before I could come to America. Well kind of. A foster family is a family that takes care of you when you are waiting for your adoptive parents to come. So a few days ago my sister (she’s adopted, but not from the same family as I am) she got a present from her foster family and it just saddens me knowing that I won’t get a present. It’s not the fact that I don’t get a present, no. Just the fact that I don’t have contact to them…
I noticed something else too. Valentines day is a month away… I’ll dress up. I’ll put a on a special outfit that I picked out weeks before. I will have my hopes up so high, but then have them crushed down. I’ll hope to get a flower, but no guy will give me a flower…
Welp now I have to go skiing!!!
Au Demain
9 comments
Hey now you know I did not pass up your post and I took the time to read it. I do care honestly. It actually hurts to see such a young and bright person feel this low in life.
It honestly takes a lot of courage for you to have just written what you have written. I never knew about the adoptive thing and honestly, this gives me a whole new understanding and perspective of what you must be dealing with. Your deep root cause to your depression and suicidal thoughts is that your lonely/feel lonely. Someone in your situation has to feel lonely. I can only imagine.
As for Valentines day, love yourself.
Dear LetitGo,
I did not pass your post by either, granted i was not expecting a post from you till tomorrow! Enjoy the moment(besides the head ache). Focus more on the mountain and skiing! BE A KID this weekend!
Nor did i! actually I came to check on you.
It’s so hard to love myself really… I just… *sigh* hate myself. It’s what I have learned to do. Just hate on myself. Just like most of the population of the world.
Oh I’ve tried… I’ve tried so much… It’s just so difficult. So hard to do. I tried skiing, but my friend pushed it too far. I skied for 5 hours straight. I can’t feel my legs. I can’t think straight. I’m just so sore all over… Guess I’m too old to be a kid anymore.
I just don’t see why…. I mean I told you not to worry…
LetitGo! Awwww, young lady, no need to hate yourself…..you are not old to be a kid! you may just be out of practice
i will make you a deal! I will send you flowers for Valentines day! What are your favorite colors?
I like aqua hehe or the whole rainbow…