Do I matter? Do my feelings matter? Do my thoughts matter? Does it matter that I want to cut, but I can’t? I have good days, but I have mostly bad days. Does it matter that I fake through bad days? Does it matter that I can’t break anything so soon I’ll break myself? Does it matter that I smile no more, except for fake smiles? Does it matter that I don’t care about myself? I know I’ve only been here for a day or two, but does it matter that I want to through myself into a dark abyss of nothing? I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. I close doors, but not to open more. I close people out now. I lie. I know its wrong. But who cares anymore? One person. One person is stopping me. One out of 7 billion is stopping me. We had a deal that if one of us jumped the other one would jump too. The purpose of that was that if one of us ever thought of jumping we would then feel the feeling of the other person jumping so we don’t jump. But honestly is that person going to jump? Or are they going to  move on? I’m small. I’m very small. In the scale of the world. So if I jumped would anyone notice or care?
7 comments
Yes it does matter! Because the one person that cares Says so!
You’d be dead. Why not focus on making an impact now, while you’re living? You won’t know about anything that happens after you die. (And trust me, you don’t want to deal with the aftermath of a failed suicide attempt.) If you want people to notice you, you must make an effort. Hiding away won’t make you popular. Put yourself out there and be kind and friendly and caring, and you’ll gain more friends.
One person. In 7 billion is stopping me. One person that can move on. That can forget.
I have friends. The problem is that they don’t know and I don’t plan on telling them. I’m caring. You before me. I hide because I’ve been “happy” all of my life. Why change now? Why show them now?
Forget… forget…. Fuck no. EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE THAT HAS COMMITED SUICIDE I AHVE NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT! DAMN IT. LETITGO YOU WOULDN’T BE FORGOTEN.
Sometimes life is a matter of timing, LetItGo. Perhaps you’re struggling at this very moment… In my experience, which has some pretty significant low points, time can be of a little help. The answers to your questions about whether you, your thoughts, and your feelings matter is, of course, a solid YES. It might not feel like that now, but that doesn’t take away the fact that you are important.
“You jump I jump. Remember?”