another user – missmisery posted a quote which ended with “And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”
It was an absolutely perfect summation of why we take that step.
I have failed my exams, repeatedly, and watched lesser people pass. This recent one pushed me over. I had given it everything because knew full well I needed to pass but as usual when I didn’t see my number up there. I gave up. this life of failure in all your aspects..studies, love, body, expectations which you just cannot keep up with just pushes you over the edge and makes you want to end your life. that’s why I decided to! you can only carry on for so long or for so much so I locked myself in my room and proceeded with my attempt. my mother called for me at the same moment. I didn’t respond to a few calls and that’s what tipped her off. she managed to unlock my door and stopped it! I was so distraught. as she kept asking why I would do some thing like this and that she too had failed in some exam but got on with life and is successful now.. all I told her was that you don’t understand what it’s like to have at failed at everything and this life is not worth it.
Now no matter all the stay strong and don’t give up and continue messages im getting..all I want to tell them is you don’t understand what it’s like to feel hopeless enough that you’d rather die than try to survive a fire.
5 comments
How old are you? I find it hard to believe that you have failed at every single thing in your life. It may feel that way, but is that reality?
wow. i can actually relate.
people say how silly teenagers are or even young adults for feeling this way but i mean, we are raised to believe that this is the most important thing, for us to do well in school, graduate from some prestigious university, get more education, and obtain some successful career…
and when we fail? of course we will think life as we know it is over. i have been there many times. in fact im pretty much there now.
i think adults who try to tell children to do their best and simultaneously say its not the end of the world when YOU ARE TRYING, but continually fail, i think they’re full of BS
in reality, adults know nothing . they either got lucky enough to succeed and now think life is fine, or they didn’t and are suffering for it
either way, i’m sorry you’re feeling this way…
all i can say is that the feelings do go away sometimes, i know this is a fact, and yet when you are in this depressive state you really can’t remember any former happiness, and i know that as well.
but wait it out… please, there are clearly ppl who care about you, even if they can’t show it or don’t know how
It is the reality ThePurpleThread. One doesn’t talk or feel this way if this is a one off thing. I’m 22 for your other question so even though I may have not seen a lot, I’ve seen enough.
Thank you 1298 for understanding or atleast appreciating the thought process I have and like you feelings do go away but some don’t! this is one of them and as for the people who cared about me.. they would have shown up by now…
Hey pillarofsalt,
I’m reading along here, just so you know! That quote is from David Foster Wallace’s book “Infinite Jest”. A mighty fine read, and a relatable one for someone suffering from depression or similar.
Please hang in there! There is a lot you can salvage, even though at times it doesn’t seem worthwhile, but you deserve better times.