My story

So i have devised a couple of plans, but never gone through with them. However this one occasion I did it on the spur of the moment. I had already got the worst possible results I could have imagined and as soon as I told my dad who had spent a fair amount on my education I knew how disappointed he was. He took me to the army office and decided that I should enroll. I still tried to keep myself together even though I could feel myself crumbling inside already having broken down once in front of my tutor that day. I couldn’t figure out where it went wrong. I put the time in I spent 8 hours a day at least for 6-7 weeks. Yet i proved my stupidity. Only a thicko could achieve so little in such time. Anywho, having taken me he looked at me directly in the eyes and made me look at him. He stared and said it would be better if you went in the army, you have no brain and you’d be better off dead. Now at first I didn’t think anything of it. I was too numbed by my failure. Instead I carried on the next few days I couldn’t even look at myself without shame and disappointment. All I ever wanted was to make him proud. I know how much he bragged about me growing up. Now i still felt low the following week and I began going to the gym even more so than before almost everyday now to just get out of the house and be alone. This one morning he then had a go at me and I can’t even remember what was said but one thing that stuck with me was more the looks he gave me when he saw me eating. I felt like a burden. Someone that had took his money and effectively thrown it down the crapper. I wasted the opportunity I had. In fact I was a waste of space. “A waste of potential”. The worst kind of person. This time without him looking I picked up some packs of paracetamol. I knew that around 7 grams can kill someone so I took 20 tabs in the space of 30 mins. Some at home and some in the changing rooms before I went to the swimming pool. My mum who dropped me off knew that something was off and said “I hope you don’t”. I refused to look at her and chose to leave without any recognition of her statement. I knew that exercise would speed up the rate at which the drug circulated and digested so I did just that. Days past and I awaited the cramps and the pain yet there was nothing. I became anxious scouring the internet trying to find out what had gone wrong. Turns out some people just don’t die. Even when they try.  I still think about it. I don’t regret trying.