I dunno. I’m just so tired of living. Sometimes I just lie in bed and imagine what death would feel like. I feel so sad but I just cannot pinpoint why! I feel useless and like I don’t belong..
It fucken hurts. I just don’t want to live anymore.
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Hi, Nayla. My personal experience with what you’ve described is that it is depression, and it’s origin is something you’ve subconsciously hidden. It could be one thing, or more likely one too many things that make you feel overwhelmed. That’s why you’re exhausted on many levels right now. I counsel you to push through the tiredness like you’re pushing on the accelerator in a car so you can leave that state you’re in. Get it? Your parents and bf care about you, so you must care about yourself. You can do this. Move. 🙂
Like heartcore said, this does sound like Depression. But what I’d suggest is to think about what you want your life to be about. Not something someone else told you or expects you to do, but something *you* *want* to do. Once you’ve figured out something you’d love to be doing, you will hopefully not want to let anyone stop you from doing it, including yourself. 😉
Thanks Heartcore and Sabi.
I guess I have been trying hard to push through the tiredness and surround myself with love yet some days it just gets hard. I’m trying not to give up though..
Hope that counts for something.
I get how you feel. Since a few years, I repeated 1 sentence in my head, almost each night. I dont wanna live anymore. I didn’t feel like dying, I just felt like pressing a hold button on life. But later on, this sentence became “I wanna die”. Unfortunately, even if at first, it wasnt really what I wanted, I keep telling me this one sentence, cause it came naturally and it was easy. Then, the time passed, and death became like a solution to me. I was realizing how much I felt lighter when i was thinking about death. So now, I’m obsessed by it and up until lately, i didn’t even realize how much I was subcounsiously killing myself for years.
I’ve been trying to stop this sentence for about 2 weeks now, when it comes to my mind and Im ludid enough to see it coming, i replace the word die by the word sleep. Cause really, Im more exhausted than depressive. It’ll take a lot of time, I guess, for my brain to lose this behaviour of torturing myself, but im hoping that it will.
Try to put exact words on your feelings. If you don’t know how, just write about them or talk to someone. It’ll help. Then try to control you thoughts and be specific when you think about what’s going wrong.
You still have hope, that’s a lot. Try to keep it. Good luck.