Will it ever be over

I had a good job.    Was out on disability. Never thought I would be in this position again. I have to find work after 2 years off and confidence shaken.  I think about suicide all the time . My family except for parents have disowned me, my best friend of 25 years turned her back on me.  everyone I thought was a friend wasnt. They all left haven’t talked to anyone in 2 years.  I have nobody but my cats.  My family would put them to sleep if I died. I couldn’t do that to them or my parents.  Oh the thought of getting a job sucks makes me very depressed