I feel so sorry for the people who died :'( let them rest in peace

The steps sound benign. But what about when people use them to justify hurtful behavior? #1, 3, 9, 10, and 11 can be (often are) exploited to rationalize doing what we want even at the expense of other’s freedoms and feelings. And if we happen to be around to see the negativity we’ve caused, the pain we’ve brought about with past actions, well, we can walk away from it because we can’t control others’ hurt, even if our actions were complicit in congealing their feelings.

I’m not trying to be facetious, but often people hurt emotionally because they’re confronting the consequences of their own decisions and behaviors. Recently someone who profoundly hurt me, whom I respectfully confronted, said to me, “I’m not a bad person. I’m trying to put all that drama behind me.” So instead of fixing the damage he inflicted–or at least trying to set some of it right, he just walks away, abandoning his responsibilities, asserting that, despite his actions, he’s a “good person.”

I have to believe contentedness is more than a collection of self-nurturing aphorisms, and that guilt often serves a purpose–to remind us of the discord certain kinds of behaviors and decisions can bring about so we might be less inclined to take similar steps in the future.

I’d like people to feel good, too, generally. But sometimes we deserve to feel bad.