I just can’t.

I don’t know what else to do. College is killing me, cosmetology is killing me, the weight of the world on my shoulders is killing me. College is tearing my apart mentally and physically. I’ve skipped meals, had no sleep at night, lost someone special, missed out on quality family time, all because I have to study. I don’t have the time to do anything but study. That’s the only thing on my mind. I don’t know what else to do. I keep telling myself that I can do this, it’ll all be worth it at the end of the day, but guess what? I don’t even know if I’ll make it to the end of the day or not. I’ve gotten so miserable with life. The depression never went away, the anxiety never went away, the feelings of being under the “sad” umbrella never went away. I’ve thought about ending it right then and there so many times. I mean, I have so many ways. But, that’ll just be selfish of me. But then, I start to think, maybe this world will be better off without me. I mean, my mom won’t have the stress of having a rebelling daughter/mistake around anymore. My dad can finally leave, because I’m the only reason why he hasn’t left this “hell hole” yet. My brother and sister will be more at peace. And honestly, I don’t even think that my “friends” will notice that I’m gone. The weight of the world has fallen on my shoulders and I don’t know how much more I’m able to take before I collapse. The so called “friends” I have aren’t even there to pick up a phone call, to bother to text back, to just bother to ask about me. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just over thinking everything. Back to studying I go, maybe with all the stress it’ll get my mind off of depression.