It’s hard

From the begining of my life I was different ..growing in a family of 6 children being in the middle always hard….I am a day dreamer dreaming of living my life to the extreme but all my dreams were broken one by one by society ,my family and finally my husband…I must live to obey and nothing more,if I think it’s always the wrong way of thinking as they love to call it…I feel like a slave..I’m not exaggerating …I have to dress the way he wants ,talk to whom he like…I’m not allowed to have male friends…even me  posting here is forbidden …I’m abused emotionally in so many ways that I don’t have the right words to express them…I’ve tried to end my life 2 months ago..but obviously it didn’t work..I’m thinking about doing it again…the thoughts just hunting me …it’s sad that inside me there is a small child screaming to be free…I want to free her…for me living dont worth all that pain…don’t judge me you don’t know what I’m going through …and for those who will say just get a Divorce ,he won’t give me one…I told you I’m a slave