uhm okay?

I’m with Koji on this … simply because there just isn’t enough information put forth here. And if the actual event transpired in exactly the way the original post describes then it’s no small wonder the response seems so “heartless” or “uncaring”.

I “get” that we often want other people to “pick up” on what we think is a clear message … but the simple fact is, no matter how “close” the connection or how strong the bond of the relation, humans are NOT mind readers. If a person wants a response to a situation or needs advice on a situation, it is imperative that we CLEARLY communicate what it is we want a response or advice for. Specifics are not necessarily required … I understand that it may not be the wisest idea to blurt “I feel like killing myself” out of the clear blue sky. But one could approach something a lot closer to the true facts than just dangling “I don’t feel like eating today” out there with no hint of an explanation as to why.

“I’m feeling down and I don’t have an appetite”
“I don’t feel like eating today because (Insert situation here) has me depressed/sad”

Or even better:

“I could really use your advice on (insert situation here) because it has me feeling blue and I have no appetite”
“How would you address (insert situation here)? Because it has totally wiped out my desire for food”
“I feel terrible about (insert situation here), I need a hug”

My GF often drops cryptic hints trying to fish for a very specific response or reaction – the problem is I have no earthly idea what she is asking!. The other day she made some statement when I was in the middle of feeding the dogs … and I stopped for a second and gave her a quick kiss then proceeded to carry out the task that I do the exact same way every single day at the same time … as I continued, she got the saddest face and acted as if her favorite pet just died … as I continued my task I asked “what was wrong?” She says, “I wanted a hug”.

Now, I’m not insensitive … but I responded “If you want a hug – please, for the love of god – ASK for a hug!!! I’m not a mind reader and I cannot decipher precisely what you want when I’m smack in the middle of doing a chore that I ALWAYS do at the same time the same way every single solitary day!”

“I will hug you as long and as tightly as you wish, whenever you want/need – but for crying out loud, DO NOT make a puzzle out of it!”

I don’t know about most of you folks here – but I hear in a lot of posts that many of us have difficulties with social situations and cues trying to figure how to act/respond in certain situation – this being the case – clear concise communication is imperative. I know many times when I’m forced to “guess” at what someone is trying to convey I tend to get it wrong or respond with the incorrect response … so I stopped “guessing” If it’s not fairly obvious … for instance “I could use a hug” … I don’t guess. And wouldn’t it be nice if the other person isn’t so selfish in their needs that they consider what you are currently doing … my GF could have just as easily waited a mere on and a half to two minutes it get my FULL attention and all the hugging she could possibly stand – once the dogs are fed I could have hugged her until her face turned blue for the next couple hours without interruption!

It’s a learning process for my GF and I … and the “situation” ended well … because of clear and straight forward communication – she now knows I am not a mind reader and can’t won’t “guess” at cryptic hints . and I am learning to to pay more attention to her subtleties. So all’s well that ends well.

The moral of the story is talk to each other – don’t assume that people “get” what you think you are saying and also don’t assume that when they do NOT get what you think you’ve conveyed so “obviously”, that they don’t “care”. Most likely they care deeply – they just didn’t “get the hint”

My dad always used to say, “What do I have to do – draw you a picture?!?”

Yes – you probably do 🙂 if that’s what it takes to make the message clear.

semaphore dawg