It hurts so much.. I just want it to stop
I don’t really dwell over the fact my wife left me, even though it’s only been a few months since she left..in fact I’m so lost I can hardly recall any details to a single moment we shared together… I don’t miss her face or her smile..I don’t miss her comfort or the things she shared with me. I don’t even know why we were together, anymore.
I don’t see myself getting better, as I look back and realize it’s always been this way to one extreme or another, I can see I’m not meant to be with anyone..it wouldn’t be fair to that person..I’d be living a lie no matter who I end up with because this darkness, this loneliness I feel in my heart is permanent. It’s always been there, and I’ve only hidden from it to create my world. But this is all I create.. Just another box to lock myself away in..just another edge to dangle off of till I fall further once more. I cant stop it.
Seems this whole time I’ve just been “waiting” for my mind to “heal” itself, but there is no cure for what I have. This is all I’ll ever be. Not fit mentally for love, or friendships. What kills me is that I’m such a good person on the outside, I really try hard to be someone with confidence and who is stable. I try to guide others… but I just can’t teach myself the true value of my own life.. my life is worthless and pathetic. People hate me and plot against me, try to manipulate me and try to kill me.. like I’m some piece of shit nothing who deserves to die. I know I want to die, but do I really deserve to die? Well in the long run I try not to take offense but I do stand hopeful that if some people want me dead enough they will follow through till I’m finally gone, and that they hurry the fuck up. I’m done
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I am so sorry you fell that way. I can relate, but that cannot help your pain. I hope you fell better.
Thank you, I updated it ^
I wish I could go to the bar right now but I can only afford to drink alone 🙁 fuck this
In one way I can identify with you and in another I can’t. I feel soooo much for my previous partner it’s partly why I’m here…2 years down the track and all I can think of is him…what could have been and what I think it actually was. Doesn’t really matter…death doesn’t care.
It’s not that she didn’t have a big impact on my life, it’s that I’m so mentally and emotionally as well as physically exhausted my mind is a blur about my whole life, I just want to forget my life and it seems that’s exactly what’s happening.
I don’t want to kill myself, I want to enjoy my life and die suddenly like so many people do. Good people are taken from us all the time, I just want that now