my name is alison and im 17. i have attempted suicide by overdosing dramatically 7 times. I have recently been discharged from a camhs physciatric ward for my depression and anxiety. they see me as ‘all better’ now. and year, for a while things were looking up. until things came crashing down about a month ago. having people tell me ‘youre not depressed’ and ‘were taking you off anti depressants’ sucks fucking balls. Im so fucking done. im planning to kill myself tonight in a way that works/ camhs need to know how to do their fucking job because theyre absolute assholes. i still self harm and i still hear things but NOOOO i dont need fucking medication. i am so. done. how the fuck am i all better I FUCKING HATE THE SHITTY SERVICE I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT SINCE NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME I AM FUCKING TRAPPED
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Hi Alison. You need to firmly let someone know these things. Given what you’ve written about your thoughts for tonight, you should call the Crisis Line and talk with someone. If need be, go back to the hospital. There are people out there who care about your well being and will help you. At 17, you have so much opportunity ahead of you. Please get some help.
Hello, Alison: I am sorry you have not received the proper help for the problems you are dealing with. But ending your life isn’t the way to try and deliver a “wake-up call” to medical professionals. Your life is important and shouldn’t be sacrificed for a cause that can be dealt with another way.
Distant.Road is right: You need to be firm in letting someone know you still require help, whether that be to your parents, medical professionals, or someone else. Best wishes to you.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
My heart breaks to hear your pain.
I have had depression for 20+ years. When I was your age I was unaware of the pain and hurts I was pushing away. When it came up 10 years later, it was horrible. Scary to hurt and want to die. Some days I wonder why I am still alive.
I don’t want to die feeling this way. I don’t want my last thoughts and feelings to be of pain and sorrow. I want to find MY way. I will write my book. I will find what I can do instead of what I can’t.
Hold on to this: YOU ARE RIGHT! The people who were to help you did the opposite. They hurt you for not caring properly and helping you. Don’t let that be your motivator to leave. You are too important.
Think of the other things you are right about. I know you have gifts the world needs- find those gifts.
I believe each person has gifts the world needs. The world needs your gifts. The world needs your voice- esp about your pain. Speak it out loud- THAT would be the way to communicate what you want the world to know.
P.S… I meant that the people hurt you and didn’t help you…
The pain of them not taking care of you has hit you on top of your deeper hurts. That triggers more than a person seemly can handle.
But know this- you are strong- you got this far, you have had to be. And you can handle this if you keep going.