I really don’t know what to feel about myself at the moment. I’m not sure how to word this, but I just go ahead anyway. I’ve recently been watching Onision videos since he popped out on my Recommended List.
I checked out his videos on cutting on a whim, and frankly speaking, he’s super blunt. I’m not going to lie, the way he says it all, about how cutting is ‘attention whoring’, and that cutters are ‘stupid, and crazy’ kinda hit me hard. He says that I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head and a good education and all the opportunities in the world. He brings up starvation in Africa, and states that cutters ‘are stupid, ungrateful shits that throw a perfectly healthy body away’.
So now I really don’t know. Am I grateful? Obviously his videos made me feel like shit. I already know I’m scum for cutting. I feel so terribly sorry for my parents. I’m so sorry they had to have someone as ungrateful as me. I should stop, I know I should. But I’m fine with being worthless I suppose. I don’t know.
One of my most trusted friends also agreed with Onision’s opinions. I decided to trust him with this information, and he’s very loyal. He hasn’t told a soul, but the way he looks at me now makes me feel like I’m the scum of this earth.
Is Onision right? Am I an ungrateful shit?
Maybe Onision is right. I am crazy. I am worthless. He keeps asking me why. I no longer trust him enough to tell him. Huh. I don’t even care that this is self pity anymore.
I’m just really, really confused now. Maybe I am seeking for attention? Maybe I do want help. Should I find help? really can’t bring myself to. Does this make me the useless shit as he says. Am I an attention whore? I really don’t know now. I don’t know anymore.
5 comments
So a guy’s starving in Africa and that means your pain is non-existent or not real? That’s victim-blaming, shaming, and attempting to guilt trip you over your own pain. No, it just means other people are also suffering. It’s not a tax deduction that someone else is in pain; it’s possible that more than one person is suffering, without negating the validity of either person’s suffering. Believe in yourself; you can’t trust anyone, and the depths of their abuses reach new levels when they get a chance to bully the already down-trodden. They’ll do as much as you let them. Who is anyone to assess or gauge your suffering? It’s completely subjective; they can’t measure it or tell you its severity, that’s ridiculous.
That’s one of the last people on earth you should listen to. This guy is known for saying offensive things and he banks off of that. There’s a lot of dirt of this guy, he’s scum. Don’t feel invalidated by useless idiots.
*There’s a lot of dirt ON this guy. I hate typos….-__-
screw that guy, we’re all entitled to our own suffering. An old friend that I don’t speak to anymore used to have a similar opinion about cutting. They’re idiots who don’t understand what cutting is. No cutter that I’ve ever talked to slices up their skin as a means to commit suicide. On the contrary, cutting/self harm is about control. People who hurt themselves are usually feeling extreme amounts of helplessness and cutting/burning/hair pulling etc is a way to gain some level of control in their lives. Most people that I’ve known who cut only do so after an emotional event. Something bad happens that they have no control over so they cut. It’s no different than an alcoholic drinking away his sorrows, but for some reason drinking yourself to death is socially acceptable.
Onision is just some Guy on YouTube who lies about thé things hé says and does. In his very first youtube videos he was talking about how he use to cut and how people who cut is not something to laugh at. When he made the video your talking about a lot of people called him out on it and he ended up dleating his old video and keeping the one that makes fun of cutters. So my avice to you dont listen to a guy who gets payed to make shitty videos about shit that he has no idea what he is talking about.