I’ve been fighting for a long time to not do it, not give in, not kill myself. I’ve been planning it for two months now, daily in my mind almost daydreaming of how it’ll go down, planning out everything….but I still had fight in me NOT to do it ….
I’m done. I just realized it a few minutes ago, I’m done fighting, I’m done hoping it’ll get better. I no longer have the strength to keep on fighting, I don’t want to keep feeling the pain. I miss her FAR too much in my life. I’m empty, lonely, and needing her love and that’s something I can no longer have. So instead of hoping it’ll get better, I’m just going to be done. Whether there’s life after death or not I no longer worry. A long endless nothing, with no more pain sounds like enough of a heaven to me. Just have to make it a week or so and get everything in order. Don’t want to leave anyone any problems….
2 comments
Sorry to hear that. I always think I have no fight in me left, but somehow I always find some more. Maybe you’ll find some more. Sorry if this didn’t help.
It’s not that it didn’t help, it’s very appreciated, I just think I’m past the point of saving. I was like you, would “give up” but end up keeping fighting….but this time is different, it even feels different. Only time will tell, but I am so tired of fighting I truly don’t believe there’s any fight left