I know I used to be quite the crybaby when I was young. I wonder where along the line I lost that ability. I wonder when I lost so many things. Wonder who it was then and who writes these things now. Can I say I’ve already died? Something is wearing my past around its neck, and sometimes I think that only the willingness to die rather than be something instead of myself is what keeps it me. Sometimes I think the only thing I can call my own is how much I hate myself for what I’ve seen I’m capable of.
Somehow I can’t cry about any of that.
2 comments
Try not to put more torture on yourself for not being able to cry…
I cry often and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It makes me feel worse, actually.
Hang in there!
I have thought about this a lot. I used to be able to cry so easily and I would somehow think it was healing me. But after being so broken I think I don’t cry anymore because I know it won’t help. It would just drain me of what little energy I have.
Crying is pointless for me because it won’t make me feel better. It won’t help fix anything.
But you are right. You are a different person now. Not dead, maybe just a little defeated. The longer you deal with this the more you mature and become haunted.
I hope you might find a way o release some of these emotions and doubts. Maybe you will cry again.
No matter what way I hope it all works out.
Good luck.