My psychiatrist called today, and I was right. She can’t bring forward my appointment as she’s on holiday. Great. I haven’t had a chance to ask about my therapist yet. I doubt that’ll be moved either.
Bree’s also been, excuse my language, a complete ***** all day. I wanted to leave the house today, but she didn’t want me to. Needless to say, that resulted in an argument – if you could call it that, she did most of the yelling while I was crying. Fun.
The voices have been particularly exhausting today, too. After barely 4 hours sleep, I woke up to let my dogs out and then the constant talking kept me awake. I can’t make out a lot of it anymore. They’re talking about me and trying to be quiet. It doesn’t help that the Angels are trying to convince me that it’s my family I can hear.
I’m having my blood test this week. My mum seems pretty keen on me having it done as soon as possible so I can start my meds. She changed her tune quick.
She hated the idea of me going on them, now she’s reassuring me with the fact that I can start them as soon as the other tests are finished with. I think she’s starting to realise that neither I nor she can cope with the way I’m getting.
The news my psychiatrist gave me is the worse news I could’ve had this week, and it’s making everything harder to deal with knowing I have no one to turn to. I can’t manage it all anymore, and I don’t know what else to do. Suicide has been at the forefront of my mind for weeks, and I’m finding it hard to block it out now.
2 comments
I’m sure you will survive. Your psychiatist will only be gone for a couple of weeks
I’m glad that your mother is realizing how serious this is, and how crucial the medication also is. If you have truly no no one to turn to, and feel that you’re a suicide risk, then you should go to the hospital. Also, try to keep yourself busy, just to distract yourself from the voices. Maybe draw some of the things you see, that can, possibly, be very cathartic.