Just went through my options again, but found only painful or no-can-do options again. I saw photos of dead suicide bodies in many ways just to get used to it that some day, when I’ll be brave or something, I will look like them.
I am alone. I am so fucking alone that I have no one to talk to, no one to have fun with. I am not myself, not the girl I was. Fuck, I was a woman, a grown up woman and now I am a train wreck.
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I used to look at dead bodies, too. It didn’t warm me up to the idea, though. If anything, it made me feel more guilty. I didn’t want my family to see that. I didn’t want anyone to have to see that.
It makes sense that you say you aren’t yourself. Depression and mental illness can definitely change you. IMO, that’s one of the worst symptoms. Not only does the death of personality sap you of your dignity and self-respect, it also drives away the people you love. I’m sorry that you feel so alone.
I don’t necessarily want you to kill yourself, but if you do, I sincerely hope you’re able to find a better means.
What does depression feel like? Agony, dignity and self-respect? I’m just curious.
What happened that makes you want to off yourself?