I am sad to the core of my being. My day fucking sucked. I’ve been cherishing this death wish for a few months again. Thought I was better, but I’m crawling back to the darkness. Living is such an ordeal, it fucking sucks. There’s my brother and uni and my eating disorder and self harm and there’s a guy. Sad thing is he used to make me happy. Made me forgot how badly I want to die. Now he makes it worse. Yet I keep allowing him back in my life and I don’t get why. I’m not sure if it’s because I love him or because I just love harming myself so much, I do it in relationships as well.
I can’t think straight, my mind is as much of a mess as I am.
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2 comments
People can make you doubt yourself very easily, it’s what they do best. Too few are those who genuinely want to see you happy, and would be willing to let go of their pride
It is kind of normal not to think straight for you are in a very confusing situation, you still have feelings for someone that apparently hurt you in a way, you’re under stress beacuse of the uni, problems with your brother plus the shame and the pain of your eating disorder and self harm. That really is a lot to take on yourself. The only thing I would advise you would be to seek some help or if you can’t trying to solve some things by yourself, step by step ( for example making your ex leave if his presence is harming you). But do not give up, just try, however hard it is to take some distance, to think through, take a big breath and do what you think is right for YOU. I think the uni, your brother can wait more than your getting better