“Death is the cessation of life; life is defined according to what you make it.”
Yeah, thanks for the fucking enlightenment.
Suicidal thoughts are the current thunderheads projecting into my everyday life, coupled with the non-stop social anxiety afflictions. Last weekend wasn’t necessarily a success in terms of an attempt (no access to Xanax and alcohol + exit bag) and hanging myself has rather substantial complications as well. I’m now seeking recourse to a different method that could ideally be lethal without myself exerting too much effort in the actual act of terminating myself.
Excessive effort raises excessive anxiety, which inhibits my behavior, prompting me to not take that last step to… end everything. If I could find a method that puts perhaps more preparation but less active energy into the final act itself, I possibly could end it all with less trauma and a more characteristic nature of euthanasia.
My only fear is that I start to “get better” before I even seriously consider this or just lose my nerve. I just want everything over.
If I bought a tent, bought two grills, and had a nice carbon-monoxide barbecue at my favorite spot in [this beloved location] that would yield a perfect mind-state, I would feel absolute rejoice and relief rather than a scorned farewell to mankind. Why wouldn’t you want that?
“Yeah, I feel really irrational and counterproductive about killing myself but I’m just too happy about dying to see it as such”.
Brilliant subjective observation, you fucking tard.
Then again, the world will continue to spin. Without rhyme or reason or clear concise evidence of objective purpose. Too many things out there to get attached to. Think about the ways they’ll be stripped from you, or when you’ll be abandoned or wronged and ridiculed without any bystanders feeling empathy and the loneliness breaking you from the inside until your life is a living Hell.
What am I supposed to do when Hell is easier to find than Heaven. And depression seems better than being happy. You see the truth behind depression. It may be warped or negatively biased, but I’m addicted to this feeling.
I’m in love with my own death and self-destruction. I have the tools I need to start a new life, but I’m taking the other tools to end that life that could give me happiness, prosperity, that myth called love. I could be in college, in the military, or just living abroad (which is my plan) but ending it is to me just another option. Better go back to the “Reasons to Live” checklist again.
3 comments
Ditto, from another tard….
Your mind is in the right place believe it or not. If you were telling me that living out the rest of your days with a wife and kids, big house nice car and a landlord to relieve you of any chore you would otherwise have to do, I’d tell you that you were blind. Clearly your eyes are open, and I figured I would compliment your enlightened realizations.
Might be wrong here, but if you’re so set on doing it you might as well see that fear of getting better as something natural. I mean, taking your life is something definite, so if you want to back out at some point, what’s so wrong about that?
I guess that what i’m trying to say is: if you feel like doing it when you have everything set fine, but if you don’t want to that’s also fine. It’s your life after all, so going with what you really want is what you should do, but exhausting all your choices is also a pretty good idea before doing something definite. If you have every chance of having a good life you should just take it and make the most out of it, if you don’t like it or it doesn’t work you can always go back to the previous plan at any given moment… it’s not like death is going anywhere, lol.