This is ridiculous. I wasn’t supposed to live to write another post.
Things were going swiftly. I was adjusting the rope, everyone was asleep, and it was pitch black outside; the perfect tableau.
However, I guess that it just took me too long to get the knot and the rope’s position on my neck correct, because I suddenly saw my next door neighbour’s garage light turn on! He was definitely outside. One of the bedrooms in the house behind mine randomly had its light on too.
Of course, I panicked, threw the towel that was supposed to be wrapped around my neck away, turned the rope still tied to the swing set to the side to conceal it, and hid in the corner of my backyard for half an hour. Jeez. The next door neighbour proceeded to put stuff in his car or something, while the kitchen light of the neighbour behind me turned on for a bit as well.
Then, the kitchen and bedroom lights of the neighbour behind me go out, with the next door neighbour no longer making any noise. I wasn’t taking any chances, though. It was clearly too late at that point, given that people were waking up.
So, I untied the rope and picked up the towel along with the stool before booking it back inside. I’m in bed now. I’m also fucking pissed that I keep getting interrupted. More reason to want to live on my own in the middle of nowhere, y’know?
I’ll try catching the bus again soon… For now, I just need some sleep.
3 comments
you know, it’s kind of harder that way.
I know Right . When I was younger, say in my 20’s I’d hear about folks “TRYING” to do themselves in and say shit like -Fuckin hell how hard could it be – Just fuckin do it and so on . NOW I’m one of the people thinking about different ways – How messy is it going to be – Will I be cooked like a chook when they find me .. Truth is I Guess – It’s HARD .. Stupid fuckin monkey brains .. Worst of all people make Money from our suffering .. Doctors / Shrinks / Support networks . And like most people take ya money , Give ya a tissue and book another 200 dollar session next week . My last shrink cost me a 27 year long relationship . That’s before he went home and had a roast dinner with his family . I can feel ya ” AWAY ” .. It plays out like a fucking cruel joke .. I also Know that I have family members just sitting around waiting to be told I’ve done myself in.. They would rather turn up at a funeral crying and saying how they should have helped out more .. Rather Than to even make a phone call .. – I’d like to know what the towel was for “AWAY” ? Was this to stop marks in case you failed . OR just a comfort thing .? I too was not supposed to be writing another post But here I am right next to ya .. Life just sucks and then sucks again ..
“More reason to want to live on my own in the middle of nowhere.” – I don’t know your story or why you want out, but I’m wondering if you’re a teenager with changing brain chemistry? It can make death seem appealing and yet you think about living somewhere isolated and by yourself. Have you considered actually doing that? I did, on the other side of the world actually. It helped me overcome a lot; but to be clear I’m not anti-suicide at all, I’m back there due to recent events but allowing time to be sure it won’t improve at all. Just remember if you’re really planning to go you have nothing to lose is taking a chance on a drastic life change. Good luck, whichever way your path leads.