Hi all. It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I guess last time was around the time I started sleeping with my best friend/housemate. We’re still together, and I think my life is doing okay.
Last night though, she was pretty stressed and she told me she thinks I’m an emotionless psychopath. I wiped the tears from and told her I’m not a psychopath. I hugged her till she stopped crying, rubbing her back. I know she had a stressful day and she is a lot more emotional than me, so maybe I shouldn’t read so much into it.
The thing is, it made me doubt myself. I know I have feelings sometimes (otherwise I wouldn’t even have signed up to this site) but watching her cry, I felt nothing; no empathy, no pain. I’ve often joked about being a sociopath, but maybe I really don’t care. That said, I’d never treat anyone I love the way my mother treated me, so I have to behave as though I care about her feelings, and make her happy, just as I would if those feelings were real.
I think I love her. I’m not really sure how love is supposed to feel, but I don’t want to hurt her. I think I want to build a family with her. We are interested in a lot of the same things. That’s probably what love feels like.
4 comments
Psychopaths do not think the way you do. Psychopaths cannot love. They don’t even care about the idea of love. They just become invested in a “target”. And no one has to feel sad when someone cries. It’s normal to just be there to comfort them. I know you didn’t say you were one, but given the title and context, you’re not sure.
But you’re not a psychopath. Trust.
You’re right. Thanks. That makes me feel a lot better.
I’m not expert, but I don’t think it’s cut and dried, it’s a spectrum, or rather two, they talk about primary and secondary psychopathy, but the key is you sound like you have good intentions and do your best to treat others right, so that is good 🙂 Glad to hear you are doing good.
*no expert