I used to be so clear on life and everything I wanted. They told me “you’re so smart!” “you’re going to be so successful!” “you’ll be great when you grow up!”. I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted, what I would do.
But I’ve moved so many times and each time I feel like I’m changing and adapting to new environments and loosing a bit of myself. Each time I want to be less connected and less defined so it won’t hurt as much. I have no idea who I am; if I want to have close friends or not; if I should cling to old hobbies and habits or not; if I should let myself change again or not.
And then there’s school. I’m 15 and I feel like I’m already done. I don’t want to work but then I freak out over my grades. I don’t care, and yet I care so much. They told me I was smart and I’ve already lost so much of me that I want to hold on to that. I just don’t think I can.
I thought I knew who I was, what I wanted, what I would do. Now I’m so torn between who I want to be, who I should be, who I am….
I just don’t know anymore.
1 comment
It’s completely fine to not know who you are, and what you want, at 15. It’s the norm, not the exception, to be lost at your age. Try to put as much effort as possible into your school work. No-one ever regretted putting effort into their academics.
O and maybe begin to do some soul-searching. You needn’t go full-out with it, but just some exploration may help. Think about the things you like, think about your “values” and “principles”, think about where you want to be, and think about what you want. However, like I said, you needn’t fully commit to this. Most people only begin to form their identity at the end of their teens, so there’s no rush.