so my attempt at salvaging my awful grades failed, and now im further back than i started. i can see why my first attempt failed miserably, but the other two seemed okay??? but they failed regardless. Im failing at pretty much everything i set my hand to as well- i can barely hold a conversation without being seen as weird and overly awkward, i can’t even do basic things that you need to do to function. I keep forgetting to eat, and when i do its never much and always unhealthy. i haven’t cleared my room in so long that its starting to get disgusting. im under constant pressure and its just made worse because i just had a panic attack but i cant even take a break because i have too much work to do. i want to avoid everything for a year but then i’ll get people interrogating me about why i didnt do this assignment or that one and i can’t deal with more people being disappointed in me. the idea of even theoretical disappointment is too much for me to deal with. i should just die, or at least attempt, so that that way i’ll have an excuse for not doing things. even if i didnt succeed at least that way maybe people would understand how long this has been going on for and maybe give me a break… but i dont want my desire for attention to be a reason for this… god this is poitnless and awful
at the same time though, i feel really bad for even thinking about suicide, just because its over such a stupid reason. the only reason im like this is because i can’t do anything fucking right even if i try. if i can’t withstand even this amount of pressure then what the fuck am i supposed to do. im so incompetent.
1 comment
Competence comes mainly from experience, and experience comes often from failing. Try to take the hits that life throws at you and attempt to learn something from it, which is quite a tall order. If we look hard enough we can often see how, and why, a bad thing happened. There are, however, always exceptions to the rule, and some things senselessly happen. These we need to learn to accept, unfortunately, an even taller order. Also, try to focus on the simple things. Like cleaning your room and eating. Just getting those things right will make you feel better, and will help with your overall functioning.
I wish you the best of luck with your situation.