An ode to misery..

I managed to miss my docs appointment this morning because I finally fell asleep. At least it’s  not insomnia; probably just everything else.

I thought I’d finally introduce myself as I have been on this site a while; reading, scanning, sympathising, empathising and could never quite bring myself to write although I have often fought long and hard and tried deciphering in my head about what I would say. This time round I shall try and keep it a brief intro..

I’m 27 from the UK and I have been surviving or living with depression and anxiety (hell knows whatever else) for as far back as I can remember. I know this now looking back although when I was small obviously I couldn’t understand it just thought it was normal- little did I know then how right I was in thinking so. Had a pretty crap childhood/ little of and was bullied throughout at school and at home but many have had far worse.

I’m at a stage where I’m struggling with my escapisms (bringing myself to indulge in them) which I problematic as up until now that’s pretty much all I’ve had and some of my anxiety is melting into apathy and I’m not sure yet if that is a good thing not.. I’m loved and I love so I’m luckier than many but as well as my own internal agonies, issues, problems, ghosts etc I carry the weight of the world. I look sound and I see what is hapenning and what has been hapenning and will continue to happen until some major lump of shit his the fan.. People piss me off to the point almost of loathing there are so many morons and it pains me but its not their fault and I still cannot bring myself to hate. I’ve too much compassion for my own good and there’s no love left for myself. I just think if everyone in the world had the right amount of compassion what a far better species we could be?

I realise this was intended to be brief and now it’s not so sorry about that but “ELLO” and my name is Kim. Xxxx