The height surgery I NEED is so fucking expensive. Even if I were to magically get them now, it’s already too late.
I am so fucked in the head for being a 5’5 male.
My.head.is.so.fucked.up.
Every second of everyday I am being tortured by this piece of shit degenerate body and because of those idiots in the mental institute, I can’t even buy a gun to end this miserable existance anymore.
Those fuckers. Why the hell couldn’t they have minded their own god damn business..
All I fucking want is to die already. I don’t give a SHIT if other people are shorter or have it worse.
I don’t care if other people can live with their flaws. I CAN’T because I AM better than THIS!
I FUCKING CAN’T TAKE THIS HELL!
I can’t take it. I can’t even end my life feasibly. I am so fucking tired of this shit.
Fucking hell I didn’t deserve this miserable life.
Fucking fucking fucking hell it always kills me.
I used to train so much, probably more than 99% of humans without exaggeration.
Fucking hell..
I could have broken world records by now..
Fuck fuck fucking hell fuck this height and fuck what it did to my whole life. It’s over I can’t take it.
Fuck this life I just want to die.
I don’t care if others are short but are still happy. I don’t give a single FUCK if others can accept their flaws.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I hate being compared as no one had my personality therefore no one can ever possibly relate to me.
Fuck this fuck this fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I can’t take it anymore.
I was always so sad about this height but when I was 16.5 is when I realized that I was not a late bloomer and that being 5’5 would be my final height. It broke the hell out of me. Words do it no fucking justice.
As if anyone could ever understand my obsession for training.
I wanted to be one of the strongest humans to ever been born but this height broke me.
I am a fucking man-child now and I can’t fucking take it. Fucking hell I used to be so simple. Fucking hell god damn it.
5 years of wanting to die every god damn second of every fucking day. Every.fucking.day.
Where the hell is that bullet through the brain that I DESERVE??
I DESERVE TO DIE! I DESERVE REST FROM THIS HELL!!
I was emasculated. My head is broken and height surgeries aren’t going to fix this mess.
I wanted 3 total, 2 for my legs and one for my arm but I am not even going to make it for the first one.
50 fucking k for 10cm in beijing.
god damn it..
Also, don’t tell me to accept it.
Pride = Stubbornness and I am prideful.
I am NOT EVER accepting this. I AM better than this. Telling me to accept this only furthers the idea that no one can understand my personality, my obsession for physical power.
I was humiliated by this height. Being such a god damn midget. I can’t take this torture. It has to end I deserve rest from this hell. I did nothing wrong to deserve this hell.
I never did drugs, I never drank alcohol, I refused relationships.. all I ever did was train. It was the only thing I had to keep me sane the ONLY thing I had to live for.
I don’t give a damn about relationships and I was never obsessed with money before (I am now because of the 3 limb lengthening surgeries I want but by the time I get the first one, it will be too late. Even getting them now would be pointless because of how fucked my head has become. Fuck you god), all I needed was to train. To have a body that was my TRUE equal.
To have a body the REFLECTED my personality.
This piece of shit body is a joke. I am above this crap. This sad excuse of a body. What a fucking joke.
19 comments
Sorry to hear that.. there is always Love. How you treat others is how you signal yourself.
I know you’re probably not going to listen as you’ve allowed your fixation on your height to turn into an obsession at the expense of all other possible and reasonable views on this topic but hopefully you’ll keep an open mind.
As a guy with average height I can relate. I used to loathe being a few inches shorter than my friends and I thought it gave them an advantage. However once I became an adult and realized I was actually stronger than my taller friends and that I could stand my ground against anyone on any issue then I stopped caring (as much) about my height.
I realized what mattered way more than my height is to be a good person, have integrity, a nice personality and just being comfortable in your own skin. I know some tall guys who are not doing too great in life and their height advantage means nothing at all. For instance I’m better educated than most tall guys, I’ve achieved things they haven’t (like ran my own company for a while) and so forth.
I would’ve liked to have been a few inches taller but I like when I date girls my height, I see them at the same eye-level and its kind of fun when they’re taller than me. So it doesn’t bother me like it once did. To be blunt, what sets people apart in this world is money, a good education and being attractive. If you have those things then your ‘shortcomings’ (pardon the pun) don’t matter as much.
Yes 5’5″ might be considered the low-end of the average scale but it’s still average. I realize you probably don’t care to hear that it’s better than being 4’11” for example, but it really is…think how much worse you’d feel then, count your blessings. There’s many actors who are short but have done well like Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson and others. They didn’t let their height stop them from getting fame/fortune.
I think being tall only matters in grade school-due to bullying and dating. Obviously the taller guys have an advantage there but not always. Of course by weight training you gain a huge advantage and can’t be bullied and as for dating you’d need to go for girls near your height or shorter.
I’m not trying to diminish your problem but seriously your life could be way worse. Some people are struggling to find food as we speak. And don’t just balk at that suggestion-if you have a home, food, good health then life isn’t so bad. There’s billions of people who were born through the stupidity of their parents into terrible life conditions you couldn’t imagine and I’m quite sure none of us would be willing to trade our problems with theirs. It’s good to keep things in perspective.
I’m about to be 22. I wanted to break world records by now. I cared so much about training, no one understands this. I don’t think my personality is common at all so I don’t expect anyone to understand.
If I were 5’9 from the beginning, I would have been fine. Trust me, being a midget is torture. Trust me on this it’s hell.
I actually used to be an above average student. I used to care a lot about academics as well but everything went down hill when I realized I wasn’t going to grow anymore. It got so bad that after highschool I tried to end my life and was sent to the mental institute. I have been there twice in a period of 6 months. I basically didn’t start college until I was 20. I am so pissed off at how this height screwed up my life in BOTH body AND mind.
To be so behind academically when I wanted to be one of those that graduated early. Now that is physically impossible. This WAS a race to me. Damn it..
I tried taking college classes while I was a sophmore in highschool but no one helped me with the registration process, not even the counselor and so I gave up. I asked her to help me fill out the form but she basically told me to do it myself.
It’s easy to register but at the time I was confused and needed guidance. Too bad.. I could have graduated when I was 20, I could have done in AA-T while I was in highschool.. now even the underachievers are ahead of me..
Damn..
I have nothing. Nothing in body and nothing in mind. I fell hard.
I used to have a bright future, I had ENVISIONED how my life was supposed to be by now..I was so simple. I had a plan.. if only highschools didn’t exist and people were allowed to start at a community college officially as a 14 year old because all highschool was at the end of the day in my eyes was a waste of time. In my eyes, lower-division classes in college are the same exact thing as highschool classes. I mean really, ap tests and ap classes are harder to pass than lower-division college classes from my experience.
I never passed an ap test when I was in highschool yet most college classes (specifically the ges) have not been a problem. I am sad about my height but the inefficiencies of the school system kill me as well.
If only universities didn’t force people to take gen eds for 2 years.. was 4 years of gen ed in highschool not enough? 6 years total of general ed is overkill.
I could have had a career by now, I could have been well on my way for the height surgery. I would have looked for 2 full-time jobs. Oh well…
And another thing, I hate how it’s illegal to sell your organs. I would sell my sex organ, my kidney, my lung, part of my intestines, etc.
I would have sacrificed so much had I only been given the opportunity.
I don’t want a relationship, I want to become my old self again.
And yes there are shorter males out there but how many of them wanted to be body builders? How many of them did my routine? (16-17,000 pushups with 45 lb in a month, 51,000 situps in a month, maxing the machines, lifting a 20lb dumbbell around once every 2 seconds for an hour without stopping per arm, etc.)
I lived ONLY to reach the pinnacle of my will power.
I was so utterly obsessed with the concept of will power. Who else shared my obsession?
I can’t imahine anyone in this world who was as obsessed as me so this is why I do not like being compared. No one understood my resolve.
So were you looking for recognition, fame, by breaking world records? It seems you’ve set impossible standards for yourself and then decided to hate yourself if you couldn’t meet them.
You do realize that you could damage your body by over-training right? How will that help you if your muscles are destroyed because you pushed them too hard?
As for donating organs, firstly surgery is not something to take lightly, you can easily die from it-which is why it’s only prescribed when really needed. Secondly if you remove vital organs it places stress on the remaining organs which could lead to bad health and even death. It makes more sense to donate them after you die or only in the case of saving a family member.
Regarding academia, once again you seem to be pushing beyond your capabilities and when you don’t reach that higher goal you choose to hate yourself or hate the system, not realizing that you’re probably not ready for the next level.
I’m sure you’re starting to see the pattern here, with academics, athletics or whatever you pursue. You’re setting yourself up for disappointment and demanding things that you know won’t happen for you.
The problem isn’t your height, or that the schools are holding you back. The problem is that you’ve put on blinders and locked yourself into a mindset where you think you must achieve what is essentially impossible and then feel suicidal because you’ll never attain your unreachable standards/goals.
Honestly you really need to re-think everything. No one is watching or judging you and expecting you to find perfection-only you are doing that to yourself. Why don’t you just shoot for normal/average? Get a good education, do well in athletics, get a decent job and live a normal life.
Sometimes living a regular life can be a tough enough goal on it’s own. Very few people are able to excel beyond others and they’re usually genetically gifted (like Olympic athletes or geniuses like Einstein). The rest of us have to settle with being average or above average.
I know I will never be an NBA player-why would I persecute myself for not being able to do that? Seriously dude, throw out all those unattainable standards and live in reality. Find peace within yourself, while I’m Atheist and don’t follow any religion, I strongly advise you to study Buddhism (and philosophy in general)-I think it’s very helpful for people who share your mindset.
Lastly don’t be so hard on yourself-yes no one thinks like you, no one thinks like me, in a sense we’re all unique-however we do face similar problems and challenges and it helps to listen to others since they might offer a perspective we didn’t consider before.
I’m university educated but time after time I’ve been given advice and ideas that I hadn’t thought of before, by people who haven’t gone as far as I have in academics. So I’ve learned to listen and be more humble because you never know what you could learn from others. Also take some time to smell the flowers, get fresh air, do some hiking-there’s so much more to the world than being narrowly focused on some near impossible goals.
“Regarding academia, once again you seem to be pushing beyond your capabilities and when you don’t reach that higher goal you choose to hate yourself or hate the system, not realizing that you’re probably not ready for the next level.”
I know my capabilities and I know for a fact that I didn’t need highschool. It’s not like I got magically smarter just by turning 18.
I even remember hearing a statistic in a commercial that stated “80% of a humans brain is fully developed by the age of 3” meaning that a 3 year old version of me basically has a similar learning potential as my current self so no I don’t think my expectations for my academic life were farfetched by any means. I wasn’t a bad highschool student. I had around a 3.5 weighted when I graduated.
I also wasn’t trying to be famous by any means, I just loved training and breaking world records was a personal goal.
I think it’s wrong to tell me not to do what makes me happy because then, what’s the point? It’s like me asking you to live in self-denial (like making you live without relationships, arms or legs, etc.).
Everyone has something to make them happy. What was wrong with my dream? Nothing. Everyone else has their own reasons for living and training was mine.
“Why don’t you just shoot for normal/average? ”
I just like the idea of maximizing efficiency. I wanted to unlock my full potential in both body and mind.
Also, I don’t mind the dangers of surgery. Without the surgery I might as well be dead. Training is everything to me.
“I know I will never be an NBA player-why would I persecute myself for not being able to do that? Seriously dude, throw out all those unattainable standards and live in reality. ”
I know what I was capable of. I could have attained my dream. They weren’t unrealistic by any means but it is hard to explain it without actually going into my head. My obsession truly was uncommon.
“Also take some time to smell the flowers, get fresh air, do some hiking-there’s so much more to the world than being narrowly focused on some near impossible goals.”
To be honest I don’t like going out. The only times I would go outside is when out of necessity or when I used to run on my own but being a midget made me to self-concious so I stopped.
My goals weren’t inpossible. Trust me, my obsession was on another level.
I was even going to double that routine I mentioned above. I did that (and mich more) when I was 16.5. and was going to double that the month afterwards.
As for the overtraining, the fact that I was seeing progress makes me believe I wasn’t over training.
For example, in the beginning of ^that month it took me around 3+ hours just to do 500 pushups since I didn’t have the stamina yet by the end of the month, I did 1000 pushups with 45 lb on my back (in sets the first 3 sets being 100 pushups in one minute and 20 seconds each without stopping) in the low 40 minute mark. I saw progress so I wasn’t over training.. I fail to see how my dreams were unobtainable.
Every person is unique but I no one was as obsessed as me.
I was a perfectionist before. I either obtained my dream or I die. I lived by an ultimatum.
I am not accepting what happened to me. I will most likely be another statistic.
https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/ I can see “me” written all over it.
Too bad I can’t edit this since I see a lot of grammar mistakes.
https://www.google.com/search?q=short+male+suicide+statistics&rlz=1Y3YOJM_enUS698US697&oq=short+male+suicide+stat&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j33l3.4645j0j4&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
Ya I don’t know why this site doesn’t have an edit button, most social sites do. They could do it with a time limit, like 5 mins so this way you can edit but then after that it’s locked so you can’t change your claims.
In no way was I suggesting that you don’t pursue your dreams. I was saying not to shoot for something that is beyond your abilities since you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
And I think my point was well proven when you indicated that you “could’ve” broken world records or skipped high school. If it makes you happy to pursue such things (whether you achieve them or not) then have at it and I wish you the best of luck-so long as you know that you’re fighting the odds and be ready to accept it if it doesn’t work out.
When I ran my own company I was told by people who thought they knew better than me that it can’t be done and to just give up/pack it in. Then when I nailed a major contract, people were blown away. It’s because I knew my abilities and I also knew I’d succeed at what I was doing.
Other individuals haven’t climbed the mountains I have so they think because they can’t do something extraordinary, then other people can’t either. I think partly some wanted me to fail, they were simply jealous, being wage-slaves while I was self-employed (and successful), the old crabs in the bucket story.
I’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty of what you mentioned but that I’m glad to hear that striving to achieve big things makes you happy, I think that’s great and I support it. But it’s also healthy to be connected socially with others and the world around you. You’re not a midget bro, the real ones are like 3 feet tall…you’re average height. If you went to Asian countries you’d be tall.
Even if you were a real midget you could still live a normal life as most of them do. My aim was to get you to look at your situation from a different angle and hopefully you found it helpful. Otherwise I wish you all the best in your pursuits.
Unfortunately it’s too late to get ahead academically since this mental problems cost me so much time and I can’t imagine breaking world records anymore since I am just not the same person I used to be. Oh well, life is just plain unfair.
Too bad this world revolves more on luck than will power. Too bad effort alone couldn’t fix my problems (for example, I used to sleep with ankle weights. I knew it wouldn’t work but I used to be so crazy optimistic about everything. Now I am the polar opposite).
I don’t have dreams anymore and as much as I have tried over the years, I just can’t accept this height. It’s too bad because I truly did believe in myself before to such an extreme degree. I miss my old self but oh well. I know you are trying to help but in the end I know I am a lost cause. I will commit suicide in my early-mid 20s. Life isn’t worth it anymore.
I’m sorry you feel that way and that I was unable to suggest anything that could change your mind. But I think we’re all in our own little hell-holes and it’s ultimately up to us to remain there or to change our situation.
Some people feel suicide is the only answer, others decide to give life another chance. We all need to do whatever we’re comfortable with. For now my life is ok, but if it gets bad in the future I might decide to end it also, so I know where you’re coming from.
A bit off topic but..
https://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/dev.html
“The brain grows at an amazing rate during development. At times during brain development, 250,000 neurons are added every minute! At birth, a person’s brain will have almost all the neurons that it will ever have. The brain continues to grow for a few years after a person is born and by the age of 2 years old, the brain is about 80% of the adult size.”
People are capable of so much from a young age. It’s a shame people’s potential are squandered by the inefficient school system in the form of general ed.
Basically, the number one priority should be to help humans develop “life skills” (like learning about investments, learning how to use excel, learning how to pay taxes, etc.).
What matters more, random knowledge or developing focused knowledge that will help people survive more efficiently?
I don’t see how highschool was at all useful. I’ve taken all my ges in college and I’m basically the same person (with the addition of being extremely suicidal and nowhere near as energetic).
People believe in general ed for what purpose again? To be “well-rounded”?
The problem here is that the definition of “well-rounded” is arbitrary.
People need to think outside the box to see the flaws of the school system. It is archaic and it needs to be ratified.
Yes the human brain is capable of incredible things, but that doesn’t mean you can avoid the grade school system. Could it be improved? Certainly, but much of that information is useful even if you don’t use it in a career because they help to expand your repertoire of knowledge and more importantly, to learn to think.
As for practical knowledge, you pick that up along the way or learn it in university if its an area of interest. But the things that you learn outside of school matter just as much, it’s not all just about academics.
Usually young gifted students are allowed to skip grades when they’ve demonstrated that their understanding is well beyond the scope of the grade they’re in. Sometimes they offer tests to identify such exemplary individuals.
So if you felt you might be in that category it’s something you should address with your teachers. If you’re just bored of school/learning that’s a different story-we’ve all been there and had to sit through a bunch of dull classes, it’s just a rite of passage for all young people.
If you feel that your suicidal ideation stopped you from doing well in academia or athletics then perhaps therapy would help you deal with those thoughts. I know when I was depressed in university I couldn’t focus on my courses. Once I got past my depression, then I started doing well again. Something to think about.
“So if you felt you might be in that category it’s something you should address with your teachers”
I’m about to be 22 and am planning on transferring for the upcoming fall so it’s too late for that. I basically started when I was 20 because of this mental problems.
Too bad because every single class I took in college really was basically a highschool class in my eyes and personally, I don’t feel I got anything out of the general eds.
I mean you learn to think with upper-division classes and general eds are basically all lower-division classes so I still don’t see how they benefited me. I just think they should be electives and people should only have to take classes related to their major.
I hear ya.
I’m over 6 foot , at prime physical fitness and and it dosent make my life any easier or bettter . Crying won’t make you taller .
“and it dosent make my life any easier ”
Look at the statistics. Obviously height is an advantage and obviously there is nothing I can do about my height.
Think about it this way, I not only have to go through normal hardships of life, but I have to go through them while also feeling like a degenerate.
In other words I suffer in a similar way to other human beings with the addition of this (and this is no insignificant matter).
http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/abs/10.1176/appi.ajp.162.7.1373
“In fully adjusted models, a 5-cm increase in height was associated with a 9% decrease in suicide risk. “
Aahh right. You’re American which is why you don’t like being 5’5″. I’m 5’5″ 😀 (we’re brothers) hehe and it’s normal to see people around__ our height and a foot taller. Look, stranger, greatness is not defined by height, it is defined by the person whos will dominates the world – and this can be anybody.
@water, THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT POST. I don’t know if it will make you feel any better but I will share my story.
I AM ACTUALLY SIMILAR TO YOU. I NEVER thought I would find someone who is like me in this way but I am similar to you. Trust me. Maybe it’s true that I’m not as obsessed as you are with achieving goals and maybe it’s true that I’m not exactly like you but I am in a very similar situation. I can also relate to you because I feel suicidal a lot too. Maybe not as much as you but I still do. But I’ll explain.
I too, feel like I could have broken a world record. Just in something different. Bowling. My name is Noah, I turned 20 a couple months ago, and I have been bowling since age 10.
I have horrible OCD and distracting thoughts. This affects almost EVERYTHING that I do in my daily life. I can’t think, I can’t perform well in a sport or as game, , etc. Whenever I worry about certain things, like having too much homework, etc, while I am doing things like bowling or playing a game on my Wii, these things TOTALLY throw me off. It’s VERY hard to explain. I don’t know how much you know about bowling, but a strike means you knock down all the pins on your first ball. I honestly believe that I should be getting a strike just about EVERY time I throw the ball, but I’d say I get about one-tenth the amount of strikes that I SHOULD be getting. Just for STUPID reasons. ITS SO FRUSTRATING. I know from research, that the world record is 47 consecutive strikes. Think for just a minute about how good you would have to be to break that record. That’s right.
I honestly believe that if I didn’t have OCD or any other thoughts that distract me, that I could have EASILY broken that world record a LONG time ago.
This idea makes me SO depressed, and this is something I think about EVERY DAY. I’m not even kidding. Just like you, I believe I should have broken a world record. Not only this, but it should have happened YEARS ago. Not one day goes by where I don’t think about how “famous” I would be, or how much attention I would have if I were to break this world record. And just like you this idea makes me so depressed.
Also I’m not going to tell my entire life story, but I am going to talk about this.
And I don’t ask for much in my life, I don’t even have that much that I want to accomplish; this is really my ONLY major goal I have. And of COURSE, just like you, the one and ONLY thing that was super important to me, HAD to get ruined!!!!!! Now I may have other small goals, like doing things in video games, but no goal I have EVER had can even ccompare to this. I’m not going to tell my entire life story as I said above, but I hate myself, I’m miserable almost all the time, I am troubled by so many things, and I wish I was never born. I don’t think I will ever commit suicide, but I don’t feel like I can keep living like this, feeling this miserable and feeling all this pressure all the time, and having it ONLY get worse with time. I’m TRULY sorry that all that happened to you, but I just felt like sharing my story, even though I don’t know if it will make you feel any better.