Stories

I was born and some of my first memories were the Xbox. It was my baby sitter, my bobbel, and my friend. I grew up different than other kids but I never really noticed until I was in the 8th grade. Over the years a pain in my heart from an unknown source grew, as did my anger. I turned to self mutilation to ease the growing pain. A few years later an amazing human being saw my pain and my fractured mind and heart. Over the next two years she patiently put my pieces together. She stitched my heart into one piece and my scars on my skin grew fainter, the fog in my head receded to the outskirts of my mind and I was happy. Until I realized my burden had shattered her. I had crushed her. She was done with me and I was struck with a grief like no other. A guilt that haunts me still..How could I have broken another human being like that? How was I so blind? All the apologizing in the world would not make this better. So I packed up my crumbling self and drove a thousand miles west to my brother. He taught me the worth of a strong body as well as the worth of honest labor. He taught me many things on how to be a man where our Father had failed us. 4 months later I joined the world’s greatest airforce.and was seperated after a psyche evaluation for not lying about my depression. I was sent home. I gathered my knowledge and drove back east and secured a full time job as I study as an electricians appreciate on the side. My mind always feels close to breaking as does my heart but through sheer willpower I keep myself together as I struggle forwards.

That’s okay. Thanks for the sympathy though. I just wanted to share my story. Hopefully it’ll show others that even with a disorder and even with the pain and the regret and the guilt that we can still carry on and that there are good moments in life. That even with depression we can still get out of bed and with anxiety we can still do it anyways and when my bipolarism hits that you can be aware of it and control yourself to still get the job done.