Completely Broken

Every day, I feel like I’m closer and closer to slamming into a brick wall.

I have no motivation, no ambition, no energy, no moods, no emotions (except the occasional laugh, frown, and tears), no dreams, no goals.

I’ve spent years trying to get rid of my depression through talking to friends and family, medication, meditation, talk therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, self help books, more sunlight, more exercize, new diet. None of it has worked.

I tried to better myself through grad school, and all it gave me was stress, anxiety, an inferiority complex and a wasted year of my life.

I tried getting back into romance, only to be disappointed by the first woman I loved in nearly 5 years, who let me down similarly to how my previous relationship ended up.

I have no plans and no course of action of what to do next. A job, money, a love life, a stable routine, being even moderately content with myself and my life, remembering to care about my own self-improvement and self-preservation…

I have exhausted all options I and others have thought of, and there were a lot. I feel slightly more useless and full of guilt and shame each passing day as I continue to rot in my apartment with having accomplished nothing of my boring and lonely life.