My last post was deleted, fine, but I feel that if I don’t have a post at once a day, I’ll go crazy.
I have decided to let my dreams go, and I feel at peace, still sad, but at peace. I feel like I have made the right decision of never having kids. Not because the world think that I shouldn’t have kids, but because of what I know the world would do to them. My children may end up following in my footsteps of failure and misery, and I couldn’t live with myself if that was the case.
My only motivation to make something out of myself was to start a family, but I can’t even do that. Can’t even win this rat race, but feel better dropping out.
No, I refuse to be a house wife because I would be living in someone else’s shadow. How can I bring a daughter into this world just knowing that I had failed to make it into this world, and so she may follow in my footsteps, and become worthless.
I am grateful that my parents take care of me because I can’t. I actually have the luxury of not working a job, though I have no purpose in life. I am fed, have a computer to type on, my mom gives little things if I ask. She also gives me a little bit of money. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have these rich little parents that give me these fancy cars, or gave me a free ride to college. BTW, I’m not going to pay on my college loans, and I will face the consequences. Luckily, I have nothing to lose. My dad is trying to get me a job, and I filled out the application, but mom is like my dad doesn’t understand my condition. I feel torned between what my parents want.
I’m always told that sometimes I moan, or mumble under my breath for no known reason, and sometimes I’m laughing and grinning for no known reason.
Anyway, I try not to go out of the house too much, and rely on making and eating sandwiches because they are cheap and don’t require going out the house too much to get food. When I go to the grocery store, I make sure to go though the self check-outs. My goal is to make sure that I’m always carrying pen and paper to use as an effective means of communication because I can’t stand to talk to people. People don’t understand me, and I don’t understand them. When I go to the park because I like the park, I make sure that the dogs are with me. People are actually distracted by the dogs, so they don’t notice me, also the dogs provide me company. The dogs sit in my vehicle like actual people, it’s awesome. One of them can sit on the passager’s side. One day, I’ll get them both register as emotional support dogs.
I don’t really want a job, anymore. Not because I am lazy, but because I don’t deal with the stresses. You get too attached to your job, and then they let you go, and you have to deal with shitheads. BTW, I am doing volunteer work, and you don’t deal with shitheads.
I am happy that I am slowly fading from this wrenched system. People talk about how our system is the best, but why are there so many unhappy people always competing in this system? I can be like a ghost wandering this plane and doing nothing. Inch by inch as I slowly disappear maybe I can die and no one would notice.
My mom promises that I won’t become homeless in the future, but they can’t be there to take care of me forever. I had my plan of being homeless mapped out, but since I am a woman, and I hear that homeless women get raped more or become prostitutes. I have decided to cut my carotid artery, if I do become homeless.
Nothing brings me much joy these days. I am too obsess with my thoughts, I live inside my head. I just stay on the computer, watch TV, or read, always drinking soda, and going to get fat as a hog. I’m boring as fuck. I am a dead living corpse.
I have had sex with five people in my lifetime, and I am not proud of it. I could share this story of another time.. Man, was I a fucking retard, never had a serious relationship with them. I just started to believing that being a sex object was my purpose. What was I thinking? If I wasn’t bullied being a virgin in high school, I would have died a virgin. I think that I should have had sex once, just lose my V-card before dying out. I hate sex! Hate hate hate it! Just watch the world wide world cry because OMG you hate sex. The most wonderful thing in the world. I’m glad that I’m not a virgin, anymore, but it is now my life goal to never breed again. I’m shutting down the reproductive system, and when I die know that I never had sex again, I will feel like I have achieved something.
I like staying up all night because it is quiet, I like the morning, when all my family is gone working because it means that I get the house to myself. Trapped within these walls, happy with the world you created because the outside world sucks and people make me sick. I’m ramble on and on.
16 comments
depending on the area, there could be relatively safe ways to be homeless.
sometimes i wonder if the population explosion that began a bit after the Industrial revolution has anything to do with the malaise in the world. maybe it’s just that everyone’s walking around, absolutely, painfully aware of their insignificance, the fact that most everyone is replace-able and more or less dead weight in society. most jobs are invented to keep people employed after all–not because there’s actual significant work that must be done by a human being. I know I feel like a ghost–barely noticed here, not even a blip if I vanished.
That’s why some people support depopulation. Humans do this to animals like deer in instance, if they overpopulate then they risk starvation. I heard that Japan is making process with the depopulation. It is expected that they’ll be extinct though it’ll be quite a while, if they don’t do anything about their situation. Soon, America will be heading in Japan’s direction.
I though I remember hearing about a country(countries) that have a ceiling on children birth. Or did my brain meld some cartoons into memories or something?
Is that a thing, you cannot give birth to more than 2 children(for instance) in certain countries?
You know, this is pretty much what my life is currently.. We share similar circumstances, you and I.
I guess, I don’t really know you, though.
That is true. Just wanted you to know that what you said is very relatable to me currently.
I might consider adopting a baby girl sometime and raising her as my daughter. The most trouble would be finding a good, reliable, honest, mature and trustworthy man who would actually deserve to be her father and my p.artner. I could be a single mom, but I don’t think that would be fair to my adopted child.
You are so right, people talk about how wonderful this system is and how great our country is and, blah blah blah. If it’s so great why are so many people suffering as you said, but you’d never know that because TV and propaganda has manipulated us to believe we live in this wonderful world where everyone is singing butterfly songs. It’s a joke. And yes, having a job just means you’ll have some annoying stupid boss treating you like shit making you work extra hours because he said so and he can just fire you at any time so you keep licking the dirt off his boots.
BlueDiamond It was great reading your piece as if you’ve written what my mind couldn’t put into words. This helped me in real. I’m also gonna go your way dropping out of society my only phobia is someone interacting with me and me having to speak just as you’ve mentioned. This phobia keeps me awake and disturbed. I can’t stand talking to people. I’m only unable to push the evil people out of my head. Were you able to pull all the words and people out of your head ?
You are a very bold woman, BlueDiamond. I always thought I’m lucky to be born a man because it’s very difficult for a woman to live alone and homeless. I wouldn’t have the courage to be homeless if I were a woman. But you’re ready to take up the challenge. Your passions and angers are very deep.
To be honest, some say that it’s easier to be a woman than a man. This lesbian feminist dressed up as a man just to prove how oppressed women were, but then she found out that she would rather be oppressed than be man because she found out that being a man was harder. It’s an actual documentary. Transgender men have noticed differences of how people treat them once they became a woman. People were nicer to them. This one man would pretend that he was female and have his avatars as female, and he said that he was given free stuff. But, hey we all have our obstacles and challenges to overcome.
Absolutely Bluediamond. It’s a hassle who would want to be a male.
Yeah but the downside to being female is probably that people are nicer to you just because they want to have sex with you. I’d rather have people be jerks towards me, and know that when they are kind it comes from the bottom of their hearts, then have to deal with being a woman and having every other guy be “nice” to me simply bc they want to sleep with me.
Good Point Diem S. Sky, I also read this story this one unattractive woman. She says that this assumption that women have it easier is only true if the woman is pretty. If you’re an ugly woman, then no one really notices you. Most dudes couldn’t even make small talk with her.
Sorry I got your post deleted.
It’s ok. Talking about race can start trouble, and the web-site’s rule is no hate. I tend to use this web-site to rant.