When a balloon pops, you can’t just put all the pieces back together and that’s basically me.
I was traumatized. I want to die. 5+ years of relentless pain. How the hell have I made it out for this long..
I am so very traumatized. Only one constant thought races through my mind, even in my dreams.
This hell never ends. Therapy won’t work and I don’t believe antidepressants will fix me.
I don’t want to be fixed anymore. I already gave up.
I always fantasies about buying a plane ticket to new york and jumping off the golden gate bridge.
Sounds odd to go through all that effort when there are other ways but I feel the more you invest, the harder it is to back down. For example, I believe if I did go to new york, I would simply think “I’m already this far, might as well finish the job”.
I was so traumatized. I did need moral support before but too much time has passed and now it is too late. I needed to be comforted but no more. It’s too late. This trauma screwed up my life and it’s not even worth it anymore. It always hurts. Even when I am in public I have to hold in my tears. Sometimes my eyes get watery when I think about it too much. It is especially bad when I get home and am completely alone. This hell is overwhelming. How did I last like this for 5+ years?
I was traumatized and no one wanted to fix me. No one cared that I was always in pain.
The fact that no one saved me when there was still time makes me believe in predestination.
The fact that no one saved me simply means suicide was meant to be.
4 comments
What happened? Also, if you go to New York it would be the George Washington bridge. Golden Gate is in SF and they just started building a suicide prevention net this week. Last call… LOL. Anyway, what is it that happened to you?
huh.. thought it was new york, how strange. I actually live somewhat close to sf. Anyways, I could say it but I don’t expect anyone to truly understand since words alone don’t do the 5+ years I have endured enough justice.
I lived in SF for 10 years. I love the bay area. Well, whatever it is, I am sorry you are going through it. Some of us get thrown more than we can handle. I am there now.
I’m sorry that you’ve had such a rough go of things for so long. I would only add that there is still time to be saved, it’s not over till it’s over. It well may be that no proverbial knight in shining armor comes to the rescue, but as long as we draw breath there is always hope for positive change. It might be slim, even improbable, but until our clocks truly run out there is technically some chance. Best wishes for you whatever happens.