I know that I’m straight, and go yuck at the thought of girl on girl action. Have no bias against lesbians. I can’t seem to find the right label for my sexuality. Simply saying that I just straight is too over-simplifying it. That’s like saying my sexuality is normal, and no I’m not trying to be special. I always feel abnormal like I hide so many things about myself from other people. There isn’t any connection between me and other people, besides relationships never work-out between me and other people.
Back on topic, normal people can feel sexually attracted to other people in real life. I don’t, real life people don’t interest me. It times like these, I begin to wonder if I’m asexual. I’m frustrated when guys hit on me because I don’t feel anything towards them. It’s like we’re on two different pages. Flirting and being told I’m attractive also doesn’t do anything because they’re just playing games to me, or telling me something that isn’t true because they want me to feel better, or trying to get into my pants.
I don’t like being viewed as a sex object, or want to be just a girlfriend or wife as my main purpose. It sounds egoistical, but I feel like I’m more than that. At the same time, part of me wants to talk about my sexuality because I don’t understand it. My sex drive is low and unneeded, but at the same time, it is there.
Most people probably fantasize about just doing it in the bedroom or on a beach, typical making-out and intercourse. I’m kind of into the things, you can see on Deviant art such as body inflation. I feel like I have a thousand fetishes, probably more like kinks. BTW, I can understand people getting angry about all the fetish art on DA. I like it, but it can be irritating to look up a pics of your favorite cartoon characters, then have your childhood ruined, when you see them morbidly obese, or eating their best friend. DA is a weird place. God bless those artists.
Speaking of cartoon characters, I’ve always mostly felt attracted to cartoon or anime characters. I’ve had this since I was a child. I remember running up to TV screens just to kiss the Gundam Wing characters. I remember watching Techni, and pretend to like the main character because the other female characters liked him. When the girls at recess asked me if there was anybody I liked, I couldn’t name the typical boy at my school, nope, had to be a fictional character. I think the reason I like fictional characters is because of their personalities. Whether it was the good guys, they always tried to right thing and cared about everyone. They knew how to make everything right in the end, and if was a bad guy, which was rare, they were so cool and intelligent.
Most of sexual fantasies consist or really fantasy like realities like tentacle sex, changing size, transforming, machines, aliens, the list goes on. I even thought about reaching orgasm though telepathy. Imagine that. If I was a good comic book artist, I can make weird sex stories like those porn comics I read on the internet. I like to say that I’m a xenophile because I really like non-human things, but maybe it isn’t right. Maybe, I’m more interested in my sexual fantasies than real sex. Yeah, I know fantasies are nothing like the real thing, the real life is worse. Also, why do I find balloons sexy like I’m not really attracted to balloons, but I think about childhood innocence and feel comfort. I’m a sick freak, this why I shouldn’t even have boyfriend.
5 comments
I can relate to a lot of that. I’ve recently just made some serious headway as far as sexuality is concerned. To keep things simple I usually just identify as bi, but there’s more to it than that. I have some strange fetishes as well, most of which I won’t go into right now. I’m not sure how old you are, but if you are on the young side, perhaps you will grow to find other humans romantically attractive. And while no one will ever perfectly embody the personalities of those anime characters(I can relate to this in a way), you will eventually find someone who carries similar values, and remember, you don’t have to settle. Most of us can afford to have high and specific standards, as the human race continually becomes more and more liberated. As far as defining your sexuality goes, I don’t believe you really have too. Labels are nice for brevity but really, if something strikes your fancy, go for it without shame, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone it feels great to liberate yourself. And I’m sure you know, just like everything else, sexuality can change. I’ve always found it very fluid.
So one day you may meet a girl or a guy who really does strike your fancy, and that doesn’t necessarily make you gay/straight whatever, unless you decide it does and that’s what you want. And hell, start drawing if you don’t already, take some art classes/ online tutorials, and practice. Before you know it you’ll be creating all kinds of great/strange/fucked up stories that the Internet will happily devour, if you decide to share them ?. It will feel so good to be able to freely express yourself and all that your mind can manage to conjure up, just imagine it. Anyways, good luck, all the best.
I would like to share my mess up stories with you, but they might bit too sexual to post. Nothing to do blood, or crap. I promise you this. I can enjoy porn with either sex. I don’t feel sexually attracted to women, but seeing them in sexual situations helps me imagine being their position.
I dunno, you sound like an Ace to me. Welcome to the club! 🙂 You’re not sick, but you might be reacting to the gross commodification of sexuality. The more hypersexualized your culture is, the easier it is to veer onto that path. Homo sapiens is not an attractive species these days.
Milo said that people are asexual because no one wants to fuck them, and I’m like that’s not true. I do like Milo’s work, but I know he’s wrong about asexual people. I know people want to fuck me. I think for me to sexually attracted, me and this other person need to have a strong bond.
Strong bond. Perhaps that is the thing you require. Like a demi-sexual. If so, I get that.