Social anxiety is crippling me, even as I write this. I doubt I will post this, and if I do I expect comments telling me how fucking stupid I am.
I can’t do this anymore. I’m 18 next week and can’t even stand the fact i’m still alive, because the responsibility of being an adult crushes me every day. I can’t get a job like my father wants me to, because social anxiety makes me cry like a child. I was visiting a uni and we had an interview for five minutes, instead I cried and panicked and had to be taken outside. My friend tells me I should’ve chosen a university close to home, the truth is I know I won’t survive away from home but i’m not surviving at home either. Due to circumstances in my family, I have to live with my grandfather who makes my social anxiety flare up even more, I feel like I can barely eat around him. I self harm, to calm my mind, because it races with thoughts of the future and it’s almost been a month since. A month since I almost killed myself the first time, but couldn’t because I realised I hadn’t said bye or written a letter. My intrusive thoughts are coming back, this week I had nightmares about rape and my little brother throwing up blood and worrying i’m a paedophile. I’ve suffered with that since I was 13, but it went away for a while and came back. I’m tired of messaging my friend, making her talk me down when she doesn’t deserve it. I’m tired of ruining my relationships because I think that person doesn’t need me and being a burden on my mother because of anxiety. Even mental health help here, if I wanted it, isn’t an option. My friend told me it’s shit and I’ve heard various reviews on the system, they don’t help. I’m trapped and I can’t take it anymore, i’m not even studying to pass exams, I doubt I’ll be alive long enough for the results.
11 comments
You’re not stupid for posting this at all. I’ve been here for a day and personally it’s the only things that been keeping me alive. I’m not gunna sit here and tell you not to do because I’m a hop skip and a jump away from the edge myself. But if you want to talk this is the place to do it. Look at some other stories and comments. The people here are real. And there is no judgment.
Thank you. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you. I hope things work out in the end for you. It sounds like you are having some crazy dreams man
I’ve been dealing with social anxiety since I was thirteen years old. It’s true, it is a very difficult thing to deal with. You’re not stupid at all and there are many members here who understand what you’re going through.
It sounds like you need a place to vent and somewhere you can feel safe. I believe this website can help with that if you ever feel like you’re on edge and need to release your thoughts. I’m not sure what country you’re in, but perhaps it might be best to try some mental health services before saying they won’t help. Everyone has their own opinion about the system and I think it’s best you form your own opinion about it. It may help you, see if you can give it a chance. You don’t have to start taking pills perhaps seeing a therapist and having someone to talk to might be a good start.
I’m sorry about what you’re going through and I hope things improve.
Thank you, social anxiety does suck. As for the system, I’ve heard it from more than one person & I’m not really willing to tell my mother because she constantly says things about suicidal people that are well, off and I don’t want her to hate me. But really, thank you. I was worried about joining this site, but it seems fine so far.
Hey
I know how you feel. My worst nightmare is my friends inviting me out for a meal. It’s the thought of walking into a room with multiple people i don’t know gives me the cold sweats.
I’m always paranoid that i’m going to get judged by people as soon as they see me.
I can go to work and kinda be allright, then before i go to my next shift, i’m already thinking of excuses so i don’t have to go.
The one thing that i drill into my head is this ‘people are more concerned about how they appear to other people , than whatever it is you have said or done’
No, it doesn’t always work. But it is definitly something to remember.
I do the same thing in regards to posting as well. Sometimes i write someting out and my fingers are hovering over the ‘post button’ as if i’m going to get an electric shock lol
Don’t worry too much about people judging you mate. People here are really nice and won’t want to hurt you. Hell we are all here cause we are hurting in some way ourselves. So i think we understand quite well the hurt or embarrasment that we could potentially cause others.
Thank you, that thought process sounds quite helpful. As for posting, yeah. It took a lot just to publish that, but you people are making me pretty glad I did.
Hey. I think my social anxiety isn’t your level of it ( is that understandable? Sorry , english isn’t my first language ) .
I found something that helped me calm mine a little ( it may or may not help you, but I’ll leave it here, just in case ) : being angry, and being nice. I’ll explain myself. When I feel like people are judging me, instead of letting the feeling grow and grow, I try to really imagine it. I try to vocalize what they would say, like “you are fat!” and when the words are clear in my mind, I allow myself to be angry at them. When I clearly see how little sense they make ( why should one be ashamed of being fat? Why would the shape of your body be “bad”? How can having a body be morally wrong, something to feel bad about?! ), and how hateful those judgments would actually be, I allow myself to be angry. Then, it doesn’t matter if the person judged me or not: I do not fear it anymore, for it is unfair and it doesn’t even mean anything. The other thing is to be nice to people; to not judge them. When something judgmental comes to my mind, I make myself think about it, put words into it to understand what it really means. For example, if I think “wow, those clothes are ridiculous”, I end up thinkind the words ” I meant: wow, this person can’t wear the clothes they want – wait, what?!” . Then I can see things more clearly, and judgment doesn’t seem so powerful anymore, as I end it whenever it appears, in my mind or supposedly, other’s.
I don’t know if it can help you, but it does for me. I deal with this better since I started.
You spoke about intrusive thoughts too… This I had too! ( wow, I really hated that, it’s so so awful, and it makes you feel so bad all the time… I’m really sorry you have to experience this. ) I don’t know if you know about this, but it’s something OCD – related, and it can be helped with a Cognitive-Comportment Therapy ( I’m translating it from what it’s called in my country- hope that it makes sense for you ). The therapy help to change the mistakes in the way your mind works, that lead you to obsess over a terrifying thought over and over. So, if you are looking for a therapist, look for one who does this – I believe it’s the only solution to really get ridd of those intrusive thoughts. Maybe it’s why it didn’t work for your friend?
Well it was long… Maybe it can help you? I hope so. You’ve been going through a lot, and your social anxiety, it seems to hurt you, I didn’t know it could get so bad… I’m sorry for this.
Your English is great, it made sense, don’t worry 🙂
That is quite helpful, I’ll definitely consider it and try to practise it, thank you. The intrusive thoughts have lessened up a little for now, thankfully (and they used to be a hell of a lot worse when I was about 13, but lately I realised I still have them and have just begun to think that it was a normal way of thinking) but I didn’t really know it was OCD related, so thank you for that. I’m sorry you have to deal with intrusive thoughts too. Thank you.
i can 100% relate to the jobs part of this. i’ve had to quit 2 different jobs in about 2 months because the thought of having to go and do what they required me to do gave me panic attacks, or so i was told, i can’t remember what happened.
it’s hard being young and trying to be an adult, i’m going through the same thing. i’m currently living with my brother and his wife, really far away from home. and nightmares or flashbacks make everything 10000000 times harder to do anything.
i honestly don’t know where this comment is going, maybe i just wanted to tell you that someone else is going through something similar and perhaps that’ll help in some way?? i’m not sure, my brain’s a mess.
It was a good comment, don’t worry. It did help quite a lot, to know I wasn’t the only one when everyone around me- be it here or online- seemed to be dealing with everything without frustration. I’m sorry about your situation and I hope it gets better for you soon. Thank you.