Tired of waiting to live. Tired of waiting to die. Tired of waiting for me to be so fed up with life that I just give up completely. Tired of trying to make my dad happy and proud of me when I know he never will. Tired of having suicidal thoughts everyday. Tired of people saying “Get over it”, “We’ve all been through it, you can beat this”, my dad saying “you just have to beat your demons and they’ll be gone forever” when they have NO idea what is going on inside me. I HATE that my dad makes me terrified every second of the day. I just KNOW that there was some traumatic event that happened around the time of my parents divorce that my mom, sister, and I have blocked it out because it was so painful. Sexual abuse? Physical abuse? I know he emotionally/verbally abused us, but there MUST have been something else. I’m tired of feeling like there’s this part of my past missing when I’m MIA in my mind already. Anyway, those are my thoughts right now. Also, I have noticed that I’m having a shorter and shorter temper now. I don’t lash out on anybody though because I’m TOO nice. I just bottle it up inside, and I think it just might be about to boil over. Tired of waiting for that to happen.
*Sorry if the word tired has now lost all meaning for you*
2 comments
I know how you feel… just tired of life in general and tired of being a disappointment. I also completely understand the thing of people telling you to get over it or fight harder. I don’t even talk to my best friend about what I’m going through, because I know she will say those kinds of things. Maybe if people really knew what was going on in my head they wouldn’t say those kinds of things… just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. I wish the best for you too.