I’m going to die in the next 7 months by my own hand. I don’t know when that will be. Right at this very moment, I want to die. But, I’m not ready. Does that make any sense? I have to become totally calm and collected about it when I do it. Right now, I just feel pain. It can’t be like that. I have to think it through and MAKE SURE I want to do it that certain day at that certain hour. My plan, at least the one in my mind right now (it can always change), is to live the next 24 hours. At 9 tomorrow night, I will see whether or not I can live another day. I’ll repeat this every day. That plan or strategy or way of thinking/living might change three days from now or a week from now, but that’s my plan right now.
*Yes, I know I repeated myself a LOT!*
8 comments
i like that way of thinking, mainly because i do that too. every night i look myself in the eye in the mirror and ask “is it time?” but clearly every single day i managed to keep fighting. but i know how you feel. i want to die but im scared. im worried if it doesn’t work, then ill have so much attention and hospital visits and stuff.. idk. so much can go wrong..
but then again, you never know, maybe tomorrow will be the best day of your life and everything will fall into place. the only way to find out, is to you wake up and live it. therefor, you need to wait out another day. 🙂 i wish you the best of luck, and stay strong! you can win this fight
<3
you'r one sweet doll 🙂
did u read what my reply on “I am” today
?
I know it was long & a lot to take in
but was I that bad
that you don’t have anything to say at all? 🙁
is our conversation over?
🙁 🙁 🙁
I like it when you say that you want to be calm and collected about when you want to do it. The rest of your article didn’t make much sense to me.
Being calm and collected will at least make your last moments easy and happy. I don’t know how much difference that will make to what happens to you after death, but it will at worst be a neutral one. However, being calm and collected can give you the illusion that what you’re going to do is going to be in your favour, which might not necessarily the case.
Give prayer a try.
If only I could say that to her at 9 pm everyday 🙁