Once when I had a minor surgery and I was under general anesthesia, I had this dream or vision or experience in another dimension, who knows…
I was walking in tall, painfully vivid green grass, there was something very yellow, but not sure what…I felt the world like I had never felt it before. Everything was alive and there was peace and awe in the same time. Some kind of euphoric aliveness. (though, I was still alone, in that huge field of green)
I’m wondering how to get there again. I want to leave, I want to fall asleep now and wake up in the real reality. But this time you’ll all be there too and we’ll realise what beauty actually is…and that we are not alone.
Just now I’m tired here and keep seeing this image of me taking a handfull of pills…cannot stop thinking about this…I cannot run away from this world, right?
Or can I? Just fall asleep and stop this pain…..
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I wish we could lie down holding hands and wake up in that place.
I’d like that…
That’s really cool. Maybe it was the afterlife. It makes want to see suicide as a journey into a better world.
But why was I alone?
Some people report visions of being alone, and sometimes seeing a loved one.
God loves you and this reality is but an illusion. However, we are meant to live this life after our fall in consciousness. Who knows what made us get here? Is there a higher purpose? I cannot answer.
But neither can I guarantee you that if you commit suicide you will go to that place again.
Right now I feel a high vibrational presence as I listen to a music.
Yes, what if I kill myself and just suddenly realse how easy it would have been to live happily and I screwed it up. This is what I’m afraid of.
I’d like to feel higher vibrational presence too. I’d been trying so hard to have some experience like that, all those people seeing angels and spirit guides or whatnot, and have been meditating and I had felt good, variably but never seen anything, and I wanted it so much.
I felt like I am not allowed to have that as part of my reality.
But what if this reality is like that, also alive, we are just unable to access the beauty of it.
When everything is pointless…everything can be seen as beautiful or ugly
I don’t know
Hate the feelings I have, I want to escape but something is telling me that’s not what I need
It is telling me that what I need is to face my fears.
But I just cannot. It is possible that I cannot.
Screw this. Want to go there…don’t want to be alone…want to feel love…here is no love for me.
Losing my mind…
Thank you for writing this.
I took one Tramadol but still feel down and sad. But now it’s a more nostalgic, fuzzy, warm sad.
Also still suicidal.