Everyone knows

So last night I was at this party. I drank too much, pretended I was happy, danced and had a great time, but then things got worst, just like any other night. I got desperate, I needed to find a knife. I looked everywhere, and when I finally found one in the kitchen my best friend started following me, and tried to stop me. She then eventually needed to leave, so I went in to the bathroom alone and found a pair of scissors, and right when I was about to do it, a person knocked on the door. I needed to be alone, just for one second but this guy wouldn’t stop knocking. I opened it, I needed to. He has stopped me from doing it on this other party, and he was about to do the same thing yesterday. Everything is a blur, I don’t remember much but he was talking in a loud voice, I tried to say stuff like ”Leave me alone” ”You don’t understand” but he wouldn’t let me be. At this point a lot of people had heard us screaming and it was just, too much. So now so many people knows and it’s school tomorrow. I don’t know what to do, I feel so, I don’t know, I really don’t know. I hate that people now know, so many people and, they know. And they care. Later that night this guy and I talked about how I feel, and he said that if I won’t tell my mom how bad I am doing this week, he will come to my house and tell my mom personally. It can’t happen, and I can’t tell. I am going to Germany next week, and my mom won’t let me do that if she knows how I am really doing. I know she won’t. I don’t know what to do. It’s just too much. And people care, too many people care. I can’t.