I just want to die

I can’t do any of this anymore, the intrusive thoughts feel like more than thoughts and the anxiety feels like it’ll be the end of me. I try researching the effects of different pills, but I don’t like throwing up, which is kinda hilarious for someone who is suicidal, I think I should just get past the fear and do it already. I don’t want to hurt my parents, but I think I might hurt them more if I stay. I don’t know when I’ll do it, but I really gotta stop saying bye to my friends. I imagine it’s unsettling. I’d be sick of me too, if I were them. Please don’t judge me. I guess that’s the problem with me, being so afraid of judgement. Who cares anymore.