Alone

Do you ever just get so used to something that when it stops… You feel so lost and useless like you were distracted this whole time and just got slapped with reality? Yeah… well I did.

I guess it’s selfish. I’m used to getting a certain amount of attention that makes me hate life less. The only person on this shitty earth that makes breathing worth it. And now.. that attention is slim to none. I hate busy people. It makes me angry. Even when I have things to do… I’d do anything for this person. But then I forget that he has a big family… a family who loves him… and he loves them.

I can’t relate. In any way at all. I have no one else but him. So forgive me for being selfish but I want what’s mine whenever physically possible. Is that bad of me? I feel so alone. The second I see his name on my phone… I instantly forget about being in a basement with no windows in the dark for weeks on end. No one would ever be able to live the way I do. I wish people knew that I feel safe here but I also feel trapped. As if leaving here would be a total mistake. I’m scared. What if I lose that person who gives me a reason to wake up? Who’s face I desperately want to see when I wake up in a distorted state.

God… I am so utterly alone.