Recently I’m feeling more and more like I have potential to break out of my desire to kill myself. I think if I can just break some bad habits and create some new, positive ones, I might have a real appreciation for living.
Does anyone have any tips on how to break bad habits, and how to increase self control and discipline? I’ve been trying various things, and some were more effective than others, however ultimately I’ve been unable to permanently stop my bad habits.
Any advice, no matter how insignificant it may seem, would be highly appreciated.
A decent future seems so tangible for once in my life; I would love for that future to become reality.
9 comments
Most of us don’t have the answer. There is the stuff you already know like meditation, time management apps, sticky notes, support groups… etc. Good luck 😀 Wish you the best!
Yeah, I’ve tried all of those to no avail. Management apps seemed to work to some small extent, and support groups were the most effective so far. Thanks for the advice though. Good luck to you too with whatever you’re going through in life!
A habit consists of a cue, a routine, and a reward.
Example: I come home (cue), kick off my shoes (routine), and relax (reward). But this causes problems next time I want to go out, because my shoelaces are still tied, and my shoes are dirty. To change the habit, I should keep the cue and the reward, and change the routine: Come home (cue), untie shoelaces and clean shoes (routine), relax (reward). You can even add to the reward initially, to sweeten the deal.
Source: Charles Duhigg: The Power of Habit
It is easier to change thinking by changing behaviour than the other way round.
Example: I have a bad habit of letting the dishes pile up. The task becomes harder and harder to face, and I feel ashamed that I can’t even pull myself together and do this.
Enter mini habits, a concept proposed by (amongst others) Stephen Guide: Instead of doing all the dishes, I set a timer for five minutes, and wash up for those five minutes. When the alarm goes off, I stop. I do this occasionally.
The effect is that doing the dishes becomes less scary. It becomes “something I do”. And gradually, the pile shrinks. You can use mini habits in all areas of your life. Want to exercise more? Do one pushup a day (this was Stephen Guide’s first mini habit). Want to learn a new skill? Perform it for five minutes every day.
Source: Stephen Guide: Mini Habits
Frequency beats duration.
Example: It is better to study for five minutes every day than for ten hours every year. Your body (including your brain) is a slow learner. It likes to absorb things gradually, over time. It’s a myth that it takes 21 days to change a habit. Research shows it can take at least 166 days. But you’ll see benefits much sooner. So give it time. And when you slip up, be self-compassionate. That works better than beating yourself up. Change one habit at a time. Multitasking makes it less likely you will stick with the change.
Some habits are “keystone habits” with cascading effects on your other habits. Prioritize them. Sleep is the best example. 7-9 hours of sleep starting at the same time every night will do more for you than pretty much anything else. Being tested improves your willpower dramatically. Being sleep-deprived is like being drunk: You perform worse, but are unaware of it.
You become like the five people you spend most time with. The easiest way to change your habits is to spend time with people you want to be like.
*Stephen Guise
*being rested
Thanks so much, this seems really useful. I’ll try implementing regular sleeping times first, I never seem to get to bed on time.
The only problem I have with the first one is that some “rewards” can not be achieved without a certain “routine”. This isn’t a problem in my life anymore, but I used to have a terrible addiction to smoking. There’s nothing else someone could do to have the reward of the nicotine, so changing the “routine” requires changing the “reward”.
I’ll try the mini habits thing as well. I have a lot of things I want to improve at like playing piano, but I never put in any time to practice. Maybe if I can start with five minutes a day even, I could gradually increase that time.
Try CBT. There are self-help workbooks for free in pdf CBT for dummies if I can remember. CBT is a kind of therapy to realise and change your negative thinking, as well as habits, behaviours, see sources of what you keep doing etc.
As some other self-help guides maybe these would be helpful for you:
– BoosterBuddy – reminds you of meds, motivates to wake up/leave bed, helps in planning habits, gives some helpful advice
– calm.com – for mindfullness purposes
– Relaxio – some sounds that helped me fall asleep during the last insomnia episode
– PTSD or Depression apps, depending on what harms you more
I’ll try looking into the CBT for dummies pdf, thanks!
Oh, I also remembered now about Fabulous app. It’s a motivational app that sets habits for you that are considered important, starting with easy ones like drinking water first thing in the morning, eating breakfast every day etc. It has a few plans you can find useful if you want to get into new healthy habits.