When I was younger, crying felt good. I would usually cry about not having things go my way or someone saying something mean or some stupid thing like that, and after crying I would feel better.
It’s not like that anymore. After I can’t cry anymore, I feel even worse than I did before. I feel like I fall into a void of utter hopelessness and depression. I just lay on the ground and feel like screaming at myself for being such a waste of space. It just feels so terrible, like my entire body is sinking into the ground and I feel so very alone.
Today I didn’t cry because I felt to angry at myself and at life. I feel so fucking frustrated with how much I hate myself and how unmotivated I am to do simple things. I fucking hate myself. I wish I wasn’t so much of a ***** and would kill myself.
Therapy is not helping me at all with anything. I don’t think my counselor really cares about me anyway, and I mean I don’t blame her I wouldn’t care about me either.
I just want to die. I don’t matter. No one cares about me.
Someone kill me. Please.
2 comments
It’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it? Feel like shit, don’t do anything because it takes so much energy you probably don’t have from feeling like shit. Then feel like shit because you didn’t do anything. Now you’re really feeling like shit, so again, you don’t do anything. There have been full days that I’ve wasted in bed during this cycle. Woke up the next morning, hated myself for wasting the time, but honestly didn’t do much more that same day. Hopefully you can relate to that. You’re not alone.
And remember, our minds will process information and make assumptions based on what we already believe. Maybe your counselor does care about you, but you’re already sure nobody does care about you so… how could he/she? Keep going. Most of us aren’t strong enough to do the therapy thing.
Thanks for the reply, i can definitely relate, and I hope that what you’re struggling with will go away, though it’s easier said than done, I really hope things get better for you!