No way to break-even.
Not millions of dollars, not prestige, not some companion.
All of it lost meaning to me.
Isn’t it logical to commit suicide if you know for a FACT that nothing in this world will ever satisfy you?
There really isn’t much to this world and nothing interests me anymore. It really is an empty life with nothing in the future to look forward to. No, please don’t say “wait it out” because I have enough common sense to picture various scenarios and to see that even the most unrealstic one’s can not satisfy me. Literally nothing can satisfy me anymore.
Morals are dead to me now. I no longer see them as absolutes.
I’ll just see what is happening to me as natural selection. This is just natures way of cleaning up the gene pool.
https://www.google.com/amp/www.medicaldaily.com/depression-shrinks-brain-and-now-scientists-have-found-protein-responsible-it-278352%3famp=1
Depression shrinks parts of the brain dealing with memory and more importantly, emotions (I give emotion more value even though both matter because without emotions, you won’t have an incentive to live).
Yes, I probably have some damage in my brain. It’s been 5+ years of this. Maybe a lack of certain hormones due to a lack of proteins described in the link above is making me too robotic which makes me see this world as meaningless since if you think about it, the only reason we see meaning in ANYTHING is because of hormones. I don’t care anymore. I don’t WANT to fix this anymore.
Logically, with little to no emotions to cloud your judgement, you could see that life is meaningless. There is no “purpose”. No factual reason to live. It’s all subjective and with basically no emotions, you are better off dead.
Depression turns you into a robot.
1 comment
I’m going through the same thing myself. I can’t see anything that I have or want to live for. I’ve had good times with money, prestige and girlfriends. But eventually I always end in the same dark place I started from. The good times are short lived. The return to the bad times is like returning the empty house at night that has no lights or warmth. The familiarity of the cold darkness is comforting but excruciatingly painful to bear because of the realisation that there is no purpose and only despair. To continue in living further this way is to continue with this torture that one brings on to themselves. Not through choice, it’s because it’s who we are and we cannot change . Instead we can only substitute… temporarily. Then back to the darkness. So wanting to head to the light is tempting as it’s an escape route. A permanent escape.