(I went on a date last Sunday. I like him. He’s a nice guy and I feel comfortable around him. He has autism like me. I hope this relationship thing works out, though I don’t understand this rules of dating, but I’ll try.)
I just realized that I don’t know anything about men. It’s like I have a handicap, and I think it all started with my dad. He would pretty much tell me that men just wanted sex: “They want a beer and see something naked.” That may be true for some, but then I realized how did this society get created, or the great men in history, if all they cared about is sex? At a young age, I never believed him, then as I got older maybe I just took the information in. I argued about boys who made good grades at my school, actually did things with their lives, and he told me that they just wanted to attract better looking women.
He even gave me horrible advice such as men pay for the first date in hopes that they get something in return such as sex. Now, I feel paranoid when if a guy buys me something. Another one thing he said was that the white women who went out with black guys were not good looking unless he had a lot of money, then I mentioned that I did good looking women with black guys that aren’t rich, then he told it was because they were sluts and white guys didn’t want them because they were sluts. I would then feel bad when a black guy hit on me. My head is messed up. Why did I listen to my dad? He enjoys fucking with me. He ruined me.
Sadly, I have to awkwardly ask other guys about men. Are really these sex obsessed psychopaths that my dad told me about, or are they better than this? Sometimes I think not having a dad is better than having a toxic dad. Maybe, I need a male therapist to work out my daddy issues. I need the truth.
4 comments
Some men are what you mentioned, but some know how to be respectful. Hopefully you’ll find one who acts mature and not like a desperate, low-self-esteem, sex-obsessed teenager.
I wouldn’t read too much into what you dad says, keep an open mind. As Viator mentioned, some men are just after sex, while others want to develop a more meaningful relationship. So you need to get to know them first. If you’re looking for someone to marry/have kids with, then find someone who is career-minded, financially stable.
Typically when you first get to know someone it’s better to go ‘Dutch’…that is you split the bill. If the guy is a true gentleman, he’ll feel obliged to pay and not expect anything back, only the petty losers think they’re owed something (like sex) if they pay…so you want to avoid that type.
As for race, who you date is up to you-but sometimes the stereotypes of certain men turns out to be true. Black men are known for being ‘love’em and leave’m’ types. I knew of some black guys who used to compete on how many girls they could get pregnant, it was a game to them. So I’d be careful-get to know the person well before getting into a serious relationship-regardless of color.
Yes some men do play games, lie/deceive, etc so you just have to be smart about it. Other things you can only learn by actually dating men. Don’t be too hard on your father, his knowledge appears limited-so you can always learn from others who know better.
I am a 59 year old man and I have worked closely with many men over the decades. Very few of them were sex obsessed. You mentioned finding a male therapist, good idea. There is something special about having one man fix what another man messed up. Following the same reasoning, I have a female therapist helping fix what my mother messed up.
Just completely dispose all of that and know that your dad is a creep. I can’t even read that. Maybe that’s how it was in the past. I can’t watch some movies I have to change the channel when this type thing is the plot. Judge your “boyfriends” on case by case basis. My only lesson is you can’t let them trick you, you have to be on your guard at all times because some are like that. They could sneak around you and fuck with your head to get what they want from you. I am a good judge of character. While watching tv and listening to some men I will change the channel if what they do is off, and usually throw out an insult as a warning to cut the crap, stop being horseshit, and show some self-honor. I would never date a man because I am not physically/emotionally/spiritually attracted to them, I am a lesbian, although I do hate people like your dad, but that isn’t all.