I am living but barely making it. i am seeing therapist now and starts to understand my flashbacks better and how to control it. I could not find my motivation to study even though i went back to school when i could have choose drop out. I always love knowing more things especially history. The rest of the subjects are mundane to me.
Ever since I got diagnose with bipolar,i simply just given up on my ambitions and goals. The doctors called it grandiose ideas. during that time i wanted to be a someone who is famous and earning lots of money in my career. that was when i was 14/15years old. I skipped school and mostly what i do was to sleep. I was basically like a animal. sleep,eat,shit and repeat. It was very tough to be so ambitious and in a dream state to hit the reality that i am not well educated or basically not requiring what i need to fit that job /career life. got myself together by waking up with just 7hours of sleep instead of my regular 13hours . This took my body a while to be adjusted to it. but it wasnt enough my exams are near and i dont have time to cover all the topics and it stressed me out.In school currently, although i have no friends i managed to made some friendly acquaintances . some tried making friends with me yet i barely want to make new friends.
I could have attempted after my 18th birthday but i did not. because a close one was close to death and said that i should study well and get a good job so that it would made the person rest in peace. i wanted to say let me be the person be in place,let me to die in your place. (this is one of the biggest reason i went back to school) I pulled m
i saw a youtube video here that a homeless dude , although he had a felony charge he still continue to live on. he plays guitar and he experience indifference because of his homeless status.
who knows what will happen to my future if i put a more effort in what i am doing now?
thank you for reading 🙂