Worthless bum

So, since my grandfather passed in 2010 I haven’t been much of a person. Like my name suggest, I feel like I’m just another body. More like a nobody. I have an amazing wife and three amazing children. I’m truly proud to be their father, but I know they could have better than me. My wife is the most awesome person on the planet. Through every ailment I have had to suffer, and am currently suffering, she is right there to make sure it’s easier on me as I go through it. She is always making sure I eat, even when I have no appetite. She keeps everything clean and still takes care of our three babies and then herself too. I have tried and tried to help as much as I can, but it seems like every time I try I become more broken inside. I have GI problems, back problems, etc. I feel like a worthless piece of shit and just an overall burden to everyone in my life. They all help without question, but I hate being this person. I hate it more than any of them will ever know. Im too much of a coward to pull a trigger, ive tried that. Ive tried pills years ago, but here i am. I really don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of pain, and being someone they have to take care of. Everyone has their own problems, they don’t need mine too. We will see when I can be gone. I’m sorry, My Love. I know it will break your heart, but you are strong enough to get through it. I love you more than life itself.