I relapsed again today. again…
do any of you ever feel like you will never, ever get better? like it is impossible for you to ever be normal or happy?
that’s exactly how I’ve felt for the longest time… i thought I wanted to get better but maybe deep down I don’t… i just can’t… I cant get better and I cant really explain it better than saying my body just wants to continue to sink and linger in this hole of depression.
i think this could be because of how I am.. no one as sensitive or as pathetic as me could ever exist normally in this world.. I was doomed from the start to be depressed, especially when life decided to throw IBS into the mix
i relapsed because I can’t get better, nothing will make me better
i an forever stuck
4 comments
blackopal02, I know EXACTLY how you feel. The difference for me is that as the day unfolds from morning till evening, I have various experiences. I tend to be sensitive to my environs and situations. I am also affected by how people directly (or indirectly) respond to me. I can have good moments, when a great song plays on the radio. Or I can listen to a news event on the radio or seen online and feel like crap. When I have an evening college course I feel great because I’m learning and love knowledge, yet I’ll feel anxious and nervous because I’m uncomfortable with others sitting in the same classroom, regardless of how decent they are. But then went the noise of day subsides and I settle in my bed prior to slumber, I tend to fixate on negative, self-defeating thoughts. It happens every night. Even of things are great, the depression and anxiety does not go away like a cold or flu. I wish it would. I would so much rather not have persistent bad thoughts.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with this problem… It sucks and I would never wish any form of depression or anxiety on anyone, so I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this because it really, really sucks : ( and I relate to feeling the worst at the end of the day, it’s usually before I’m about to go to sleep when I have my most negative thoughts, especially after seeing myself in the mirror. I really hope things get better for you, though i know it’s really hard to stay positive through it all.. take care <3
i will never be normal, it just wasnt in the cards that i was dealt. and ive basically accepted it. youre not pathetic. youre a strong person, fighting every single day, with the battle scars to prove it. it takes alot of guts to be able to walk in your shoes and feel the way that you feel. just know that youre a warrior and anything but weak. now you say that you relapsed? what exactly did you do? im still fairly new so i havent looked back at any of your past posts to see what your coping mechanisms were. keep your chin up, its okay that sometimes you take a step backwards, just dont keep heading that way, instead try pushing forward. you can do this, you’re normal, well normal as you can be, but youre human, we all make mistakes, and we all take a step or 2 backwards sometimes, just dont let it beat you up. you can always bounce back from it. stay strong!
Thank you so much for the kind words, and I too wish you the best and stay strong as well : ) and I relapsed in cutting myself : (