If you feel that this person can help you move out of the sadness, yes go for it. Otherwise, consider carefully. Sometimes if you let someone know about you, you tend to not hold back in front of them anymore, which can break your relationship.
That’s what I’ve always thought. I guess I’m just tired of masking what i feel. Acting like i have everything under control when my whole world is crumbling. And still putting on a smile. I’m about to explode.
Tell the truth, be authentic to yourself. I was masking myself for a decade, feel much better now that I am honest about who I am and how I feel. Superficial friendships will go, some friendships will thrive because now you can create a deeper bond, and some new friendships will emerge simply because they are attracted of your authenticity
I’m probably too messed-up in this department to be giving advice on this, but I feel like, as a guy, you cannot show any weakness. Crazy dudes, depressed dudes = super unattractive to women.
On the other hand, what is the point of a relationship if you have to hide how you feel? I see some dudes who do well with women who seem able to open up about who they are, but not me.
I mean, tbh, women are pretty tolerant overall, they will tolerate a struggling bf for awhile, but not forever. Not by a long shot.
So I’m always trying to get my shit together, but the task never seems to get done. I mean, my mother would always complain about all my father’s flaws, so maybe I’m biased.
And maybe you’re not even referring to a romantic relationship. And maybe you’re a girl. What do I know?
I think that it is utterly unfair that guys showing their vulnerability is a sign of weakness. I think if a girl finds depressed dudes unattractive, then she has just set unrealistic goals for a guy and that’s probably the wrong person to be with. Same goes for the guys too.
It’s nice to hear your take on it. I think all of us don’t find ourselves fit to give advice, but what’s the harm.
Assuming you are a guy, would you tell your girlfriend about who you truly are and what you feel?
I’m hazarding a guess that you feel at breaking point with this masking. I wouldn’t want to suggest something, that if you took action on it, it might jeopardise a decent relationship. But it must be extremely hard to ‘give your all’ and be yourself whilst struggling so much. Compartmentalising in that way is bad: and it’s true, if they cared, they defintely wouldn’t hold a natural human experience against you. But it’s possible that the sad truth is you do want to tread somewhat carefully.
It’s also important that you have a decent relationship with a therapist so you have someone else to confide in. I’ve personally made the mistake of getting into the whole ‘floodgates opening’ situation with a friend/family memeber where it’s then all you talk about. But to be honest I can’t remember when I’ve had lighthearted, happy friendships where they’ve been oblivious to my obvious difficulties — I never really learnt how to mask.
Wishing you the best of luck. I think it’ll be okay. Most people are aware that people are multilayered, and a good friend/person close to you would want to help or at least to accept it. Some people are more familiar with this stuff than others of course, but hopefully they’ll be concerned and ask questions and want to get it right. Expect some misunderstandings but I expect it’ll take a huge burden off you. Who knows, it could also make you relax even more around them.
Well, the alternative is to continue masking it. And avoid any risk of jeopardizing the relationship but at the same time toughing the load on my end.
It would be nice to have a decent relationship with a therapist. I have tried, and i have since then decided to never see a therapist or psychiatrist again. Because all they did was waste my money, stuff me with pills that made me 10 times more suicidal. I was plummeting down faster when i was seeing them.
I guess I just need to weight the risks and decide what i should do. The ability to mask ones true self is somewhat relieving of unnecessary questions from people but takes a toll on an individual.
Thanks littlesoss.
I can see that to get by in the world and do well socially you simply do have to make quite a few sacrifices… but it does sound like, if you don’t say anything, the relationship will become more and more strained (at least for you) the longer you try and hide everything if you don’t..? I mean my instinct would be to say that masking your true self is essentially bad, but I know this is real life and sometimes even people you care about can’t cope with unavoidable realities about you that aren’t really under your control.
And yes definitely, only you know how you feel and the exact nature of the situation.
Is there some kind of subtle way you can go about it, to test the waters?
That’s awful and I can completely see why you would now feel that way. I’m guessing you might live in the US? I know they medicate A LOT — but even in the UK I know what’s it’s like to have endless hellish side effects and be given pill after pill.
The relationship will definitely become more strained. But i would rather have it more strained than to have it completely over because I spilled my beans.
People are different and therefore perceive certain situations differently. The unavoidable uncertainty and fear of the unknown is making me incline more on the decision to keep my mouth shut and protect the relationship.
I suppose there is a subtle way to go about. I want to find out what there take is on mental health. I guess there answer could allow me to somehow derive a conclusion on how they would react if they found out that I have a mental illness.
Yes. The US medicate too much. I couldn’t handle it.
14 comments
If you feel that this person can help you move out of the sadness, yes go for it. Otherwise, consider carefully. Sometimes if you let someone know about you, you tend to not hold back in front of them anymore, which can break your relationship.
Yeah that;s true. I have a lot of uncertainty. Thank you. I’ll really have to think it through
if that person is your true friend, he/she will help you with your issue not break your relationship with you
Yes, it will be compromised. It’s an unavoidable fact of life, letting this secret out of the bag changes things.
That’s what I’ve always thought. I guess I’m just tired of masking what i feel. Acting like i have everything under control when my whole world is crumbling. And still putting on a smile. I’m about to explode.
It’s a survival technique everyone employs, to some extent. It’s just part of the role playing being human requires, and it sucks. I can relate.
Tell the truth, be authentic to yourself. I was masking myself for a decade, feel much better now that I am honest about who I am and how I feel. Superficial friendships will go, some friendships will thrive because now you can create a deeper bond, and some new friendships will emerge simply because they are attracted of your authenticity
Thanks for the advice. If they can’t handle it, then it was just superficial. At least then i’ll know that the relationship wasn’t true.
I’m probably too messed-up in this department to be giving advice on this, but I feel like, as a guy, you cannot show any weakness. Crazy dudes, depressed dudes = super unattractive to women.
On the other hand, what is the point of a relationship if you have to hide how you feel? I see some dudes who do well with women who seem able to open up about who they are, but not me.
I mean, tbh, women are pretty tolerant overall, they will tolerate a struggling bf for awhile, but not forever. Not by a long shot.
So I’m always trying to get my shit together, but the task never seems to get done. I mean, my mother would always complain about all my father’s flaws, so maybe I’m biased.
And maybe you’re not even referring to a romantic relationship. And maybe you’re a girl. What do I know?
I think that it is utterly unfair that guys showing their vulnerability is a sign of weakness. I think if a girl finds depressed dudes unattractive, then she has just set unrealistic goals for a guy and that’s probably the wrong person to be with. Same goes for the guys too.
It’s nice to hear your take on it. I think all of us don’t find ourselves fit to give advice, but what’s the harm.
Assuming you are a guy, would you tell your girlfriend about who you truly are and what you feel?
What’s the alternative?
I’m hazarding a guess that you feel at breaking point with this masking. I wouldn’t want to suggest something, that if you took action on it, it might jeopardise a decent relationship. But it must be extremely hard to ‘give your all’ and be yourself whilst struggling so much. Compartmentalising in that way is bad: and it’s true, if they cared, they defintely wouldn’t hold a natural human experience against you. But it’s possible that the sad truth is you do want to tread somewhat carefully.
It’s also important that you have a decent relationship with a therapist so you have someone else to confide in. I’ve personally made the mistake of getting into the whole ‘floodgates opening’ situation with a friend/family memeber where it’s then all you talk about. But to be honest I can’t remember when I’ve had lighthearted, happy friendships where they’ve been oblivious to my obvious difficulties — I never really learnt how to mask.
Wishing you the best of luck. I think it’ll be okay. Most people are aware that people are multilayered, and a good friend/person close to you would want to help or at least to accept it. Some people are more familiar with this stuff than others of course, but hopefully they’ll be concerned and ask questions and want to get it right. Expect some misunderstandings but I expect it’ll take a huge burden off you. Who knows, it could also make you relax even more around them.
Well, the alternative is to continue masking it. And avoid any risk of jeopardizing the relationship but at the same time toughing the load on my end.
It would be nice to have a decent relationship with a therapist. I have tried, and i have since then decided to never see a therapist or psychiatrist again. Because all they did was waste my money, stuff me with pills that made me 10 times more suicidal. I was plummeting down faster when i was seeing them.
I guess I just need to weight the risks and decide what i should do. The ability to mask ones true self is somewhat relieving of unnecessary questions from people but takes a toll on an individual.
Thanks littlesoss.
I can see that to get by in the world and do well socially you simply do have to make quite a few sacrifices… but it does sound like, if you don’t say anything, the relationship will become more and more strained (at least for you) the longer you try and hide everything if you don’t..? I mean my instinct would be to say that masking your true self is essentially bad, but I know this is real life and sometimes even people you care about can’t cope with unavoidable realities about you that aren’t really under your control.
And yes definitely, only you know how you feel and the exact nature of the situation.
Is there some kind of subtle way you can go about it, to test the waters?
That’s awful and I can completely see why you would now feel that way. I’m guessing you might live in the US? I know they medicate A LOT — but even in the UK I know what’s it’s like to have endless hellish side effects and be given pill after pill.
The relationship will definitely become more strained. But i would rather have it more strained than to have it completely over because I spilled my beans.
People are different and therefore perceive certain situations differently. The unavoidable uncertainty and fear of the unknown is making me incline more on the decision to keep my mouth shut and protect the relationship.
I suppose there is a subtle way to go about. I want to find out what there take is on mental health. I guess there answer could allow me to somehow derive a conclusion on how they would react if they found out that I have a mental illness.
Yes. The US medicate too much. I couldn’t handle it.