Do you ever just feel used all the time?
I do things for people out of kindness and as a distraction from my own shitty life, but then I just get shitted on.
Karma never works either… go figure.
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Stop doing stuff for people, I realized that not so long ago.
Thing is I like to think of myself as nice, maybe that just makes me comfortable, maybe being nice to people would be useful one day, or maybe because being nice is just good?.
Let me tell you something, no one gives a crap if you were there for them, people rarely do and trust me when I say it the more you help them, the MORE you do it for free and constantly they’ll use you, you don’t feel like being used, you’re actually being used.
Now let me tell you something, I’m not saying to stop helping people, I’m telling you to help people that help you, ask for favors see who is there for you and who’s not.
Thing is, we mistake the concept of nice, you shouldn’t be nice to everyone if people want to go bad, go bad show them you wont be there to listen like a dog.
Here’s what happened to me, I’m good with coding, computers and stuff and this one classmate of mine asked me to help her out, and I did because why not when I can? Now let’s fast forward a couple of weeks there was this one group project we had to do, and I for one didn’t finish mine, so I asked that same person to help me out perhaps by writing my name (they do that a lot), and well she didn’t refuse, she literally ignored the message.
Now believe it or not people always will find a use for you, now back later she needed me again and oh did she fail at the coding part just because of that one little thing, and I didn’t even feel bad the slightest.
People will always use you, that’s the sad truth and the moment they find no use of you, well that’s when they let you go. Find people that you can use, who can also use you, that’s a friendship; everything that’s one sided is always going to end up bad.
I mean holy fuck, what am I rambling on all about it’s not like I’m any good at any of this but I’m trying to help.
Thanks for reading through this, I hope you did find it useful somehow, sorry for the not so necessary commas.
I learned long ago not to do big favors for people, but it’s just when even those you thought were closest to you use you and disappear it just sucks.
Yes I do and it mostly hurts when it comes from family. My family took my kindness & used it against me when they find out my weakness. my family is definitely the Pinnacle of this issue my friends to the most other people but mainly my family I can never change for who I am though. I’m with u friend
Whether believe it or not, you can change, I changed and I changed a lot.
I’ve been nice all my life, I mean it all my life until this year I changed, I turned things around and I take one more moment to decide whether they’re worth your time or not.
Be selfish, it’s hard but try to just get selfish dude.
I mean this year well last year starting I changed I’m saying it like how I feel but inside at the same time my heart is the same but I no longer do the things that I did before 4everybody I literally don’t stick my neck out unless I’m personally convinced otherwise but I don’t do it like the way I did before I wouldn’t throw myself down but still the damage is done it’s too late I got nothing to throw down anymore but I’m not selfish but I’m not helping like the way I did before but my heart is the same
yes family can be the worst sometimes
you have to do things without expecting anything in return. it feels good to do good things, and i believe there are rewards that come from doing such, but we can’t always expect something from the receiver. that kind of mentality, i think is toxic. just do good because it’s the right thing to do and it feels good to so.
I’m not so sure if that was directed to me or not, but let me explain something.
I never meant to expect anything from anyone, I meant to say: “stop being good, nice to people if they’re not nice to you back.”
It’s not about expecting anything in return it is about how the world is rigged, no it doesn’t make you feel good, maybe once or twice it does yes, but the endgame is you end up feeling as the OP here, USED.
I wouldn’t want that for anyone, feeling used is shit, and then that triggers other feelings and on and on.
Be good, be nice help people because yes it feels good; but the moment you feel uncomfortable with it, or you just got stuff of your own to take care of stop immediately, always think of yourself this is something I myself lack so if I can’t then you have to try.
Once again the mentality is not that toxic if you think from another point of view, not saying to expect stuff from people I’m just saying to let them know that you’re not there to be USED because that’s the outcome of this.
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I think you both have good points. (Fucked up world and Suicidal Dreamer.)
If you have it in you to do good, and you want to do good, by all means do it. Humanity is progressing (not evolving – evolution implies intelligent growth, i.m.o.) into a dark place, one dominated by violence, anger, selfishness, hate. This makes every act of decency a good thing, no matter how big or small it is. So, if you have it in you, do good. We need all the good we can get.
However, be discerning. I am a gullible, naive person when it comes to believing other people, and in retrospect, I see where I’ve been taken advantage of and used many, many times. As a result, I now have a filter in place, and unfortunately, it’s built on stereotypes. There are people who fit into a specific demographic that I wouldn’t give the time of day to anymore, and I don’t feel bad about it. In the past, even when I recognized that I was about to offer help of any kind to these types, I did it against my better judgment, and, of course, was shit upon for my stupidity.
I’m human, I have my prejudices, and I’m not Mother Theresa. I say that because I used to believe that everyone deserves help and kindness, so I tried to exemplify that kindness that knows no prejudice, and it bit me in the ass. Not everyone is deserving of kindness. There are evil humans who do not deserve an ounce of kindness, regardless of their background or stories. This will never change as long as there is oxygen for us to breathe. There will always be people who offer help to these people, and they are good, altruistic people with a level of empathy that many of us aren’t capable of practicing.
I no longer feel guilty about feeling this way. Like many of us on this site, I’ve been screwed over one time too many by soulless individuals, and won’t waste my time on them. I form my opinions and decide on a course of action based on what my gut instinct tells me – it’s usually always right.
I don’t do things in hopes for something in return. It’s just when people get closer to you only for favors and leave right after.
Karma is a big fat lie
Once, you explained everything I tried to do so. I was literally writing that during a pause at my work.
Do good just place a filter, being used is never I repeat never a good feeling.
Now I’ll try to keep this short as far as it goes to doing something good with ”expectations”.
I bought my bestfriend (or so I thought we were) a gift, just to tell her how much she means to me, I did it because I realized I’d brighten her day (?) and making her happy would make me happy. It did, now fast forward a couple of months we were talking about some stuff and then out of nowhere she brings up this: I was going to buy you this wristband but they didn’t have one with your letter. I was happy, it didn’t bother me she didn’t buy it it was enough she thought about it and then she said: “You bought me something, so I owed you to get that one.” It pisses me off and it disgusts me how people can think that or more or less how comes she thought that about me.
We don’t talk anymore (not only because of that obviously.)